Wedding Planning

April 19, 2013

Has been going a little like this:

My Mom: Are you getting married in the Catholic church?

Me: Probably not.

My Mom: Well. We should discuss this.

Me: Probably not.

My Mom: Are you going to have dad walk you down the aisle?

Me: Why wouldn’t he?!

My Mom: Well some people walk themselves down the aisle or choose another relative.

Me: EVERY OTHER RELATIVE WE HAVE IS OUT OF THEIR MINDS.

My Mom: This is true.

Me: PLUS HE’S MY DAD!?!?!?

My Mom: Okay, well you should ask him.

Me: OH MY GOD! I didn’t think I had to ask him.

Me: (to my dad, who has been standing next to us the entire time) Dad, can you walk me down the aisle for my wedding?

My Dad: (immediately dissolves into tears)

Me: OH NO. DAD.

My Mom: He’s gonna cry the entire time. He is. He’s crying now! Now let’s talk about getting married in the Catholic church.

Me: Mom, that’s not happening.

My Mom: YOU MIGHT WANT IT TO HAPPEN.

Me: Dad, can you walk me down the aisle?

My Dad: Yes! But only if you want me to. If you want someone else, dat’s okay.

Me: WHO ELSE IS THERE!?!?!?

My Dad: I DON’T KNOW. You won’t hurt my feelins if you pick someone else.

Me: Once again, WHO ELSE IS THERE!?!?!

My Dad: OKAY FINE I’LL WALK YOU DOWN DA AISLE.

My Mom: I know many priests who would love to marry you in the Catholic church.

Me: Mom.

My Sister: What should I wear to your wedding? How hot is it going to be? Like really hot? Or kind of hot? Or not really hot?

My Little Brother: What kind of food are we eating at your wedding? There better be some good shit.

My Dad: (crying in a corner)

My Mom: Father Tom? Father Charlie? The new Latino Pope?

Me: *jumps out window*

Fin.

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