Watching Les Misérables With My Parents
* My fiancé is a member of the Producer’s Guild, which sends him screeners of movies often still in theaters, much like SAG. Just a note to say that’s why we were watching this on DVD at home, not in a movie theater, which would’ve silenced this entire conversation and woulda been a darn shame. *
LAURA: Okay, guys! Let’s watch Les Miz!
DAD: I LOVE THIS SHOW.
MOM: Who is that?
LAURA: Hugh Jackman.
DAD: Who?
LAURA: Hugh Jackman.
DAD: WHO?
LAURA: He’s Wolverine. And he’s like 30 pounds lighter, oh my God, he looks skeletal. Still hot though. But skeletal.
DAD: WHO IS THAT?
LAURA: Russell Crowe is better than I thought!
MOM: I THINK HE SOUNDS NICE.
DAD: WHO IS THAT?
MOM & LAURA: *IGNORING*
*TIME PASSES*
ANNE HATHAWAY: I dreamed a dream in time gone byyyyyyy…
LAURA: *SOBBING*
MOM: *TEARING UP*
DAD: WHO IS THAT?
*TIME PASSES*
MOM: How does Jean Valjean make a living? Honestly.
LAURA: He was the mayor! He made some good investments?
MOM: But now he’s escaping and he doesn’t work. How does he have money? HE DOESN’T WORK.
LAURA: I hope Javert commits suicide earlier than usual because he can’t sing.
DAD: MASTER OF THE HOUSE! LA DEE DA DEE DA! OH MAN, THOSE TWO ARE CHARACTERS!
*TIME PASSES*
MOM: Who wrote the music for this again? Andrew Lloyd Webber???
LAURA: *punches Mom in the face, throws her out the window* BLASPHEMYYYYYY!
*TIME PASSES*
DAD: WHO IS THAT?
LAURA/MOM: Cosette.
LAURA: She is worse than Russell Crowe. I can’t stand her voice.
MOM: Me neither.
DAD: Who is that?
MOM/LAURA: COSETTE.
LAURA: The little girl!? He saved her and now he’s her father.
DAD: THAT BLONDE LADY IS THE LITTLE GIRL CLAUDETTE?
LAURA: Dude, you have seen the musical at least 3 times.
DAD: I NEVER KNEW IT WAS HER.
MOM: Why on earth would he just be living with a young blonde woman? THIS IS A STORY ABOUT GOD.
*TIME PASSES*
LAURA: *CRYING ALL THE TIME*
DAD: (twenty minutes after the sewer scene) WAIT. HE SAVED MARIUS IN THE SEWER?
MOM/LAURA: …
MOM: Who did you think he was carrying in the sewer?
DAD: SOME GUY.
LAURA: Dad, you are missing major elements of the story.
DAD: WELL I GET IT NOW.
MOM: You see why I get upset with him!? He has no idea what’s going on.
DAD: I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. HE SAVED THE GUY FOR CLAUDETTE.
LAURA: No one in this movie is named Claudette.
DAD: ANYWAY NOW I KNOW HE SAVED HIM.
*TIME PASSES*
LAURA: *SOBBING SO HARD SHE CAN’T BREATHE*
DAD: Man, everyone died.
LAURA: (wailing) I KNOWWWWWWWWWW.
DAD: EVEN THAT LITTLE GIRL! THEY SHOT THAT LITTLE GIRL.
MOM/LAURA: What?
DAD: THE LITTLE GIRL ON THE BARRICADE!
MOM/LAURA: That was a boy.
DAD: HE HAD LONG HAIR!
LAURA: You need to work on your assumptions about traditional gender roles.
MOM: HE IS A BOY.
LAURA: His name is Gavroche.
DAD: Garbage? (pronounced ‘Gar-bahge’)
LAURA: Yes. Fine. His name is Garbage. The little boy on the barricade.
MOM: SEE WHY I GET UPSET WITH HIM? HE DOESN’T GET HIS HEARING AID UNTIL MARCH. HOW CAN I LIVE UNTIL THEN?
DAD: I CAN’T BELIEVE GARBAGE DIED.
LAURA: *CRIES FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING*
Fin.
See, this is why we need you to keep blogging somewhere!
Oh my…I am tearing up just reading this! Oh, PUH-LEEZE keep blogging…and ignore your father…and me…in our ignorance.
Years ago I saw Les Mis on stage. I spent the entire first act waiting for things I knew were about to happen to, well, happen. And they kept not happening.
Finally at intermission, after quizzing friends I was sitting with, I realized… I always get the Count of Monte Cristo confused with Les Mis. Because I read them the same quarter in High School.
Um, yeah. I’m brilliant like that…
Wooden Monkey HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG
Your mom’s comment about JVJ living with teen Cosette was awesome. I kinda felt the same way: he barges into her bedroom with his shirt all splayed open and she’s in a nightgown and…okay…I know she’s his ward and all, but Button Up, Daddy! (and knock first!)
Your parents are hysterical! I would want to watch movies with them all the time! Thanks for posting!
trust me middle aged men cannot hear, and it can be heart-breaking when you realize they are not just playing dumb!
but seriously, wonderful post!
Hi Sharona! My dad now wears a hearing aid…it hadn’t come in yet at the time of this post.