One of the things we all love the most about my father is the way that he is easily impressed. It doesn’t take much for the man to exclaim ARE YOU KIDDIN’ ME? DIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

And he’s talking about…soup.

Or something like that.

So, bigger things like vacations and actual FASCINATING FACTS! don’t just excite him, they friggin’ BLOW HIS MIND.

His reactions to things are pretty much what I live for so I was so excited to be able to follow him around Nashville for close to a week just watching him freak out over everything.

DER WAS A FLOOD IN DOWNTOWN NASHVILLE LAST YEAR!? 15 FEET OF WATA?! (water.) NO KIDDIN’.

DOSE ARE JOHNNY CASH’S BOOTS!? OH MAN.

DER’S AN AMY GRANT/VINCE GILL CHRISTMAS SHOW AT DA RYMAN IN DECEMBA? WE SHOULD COME BACK!

Etc. Etc.

I was sort of prepared for the hilarity of all of this. What I wasn’t prepared for was what I like to call The Time My Dad Had The Time of His Life At A Subway Sandwich Shop.

We had about an hour to find some lunch the day before Alayna’s wedding as we were helping her set up various things at the church. So, we drove in search of something quick and came upon a Subway which is the only place in Nashville Sylvi (another bridesmaid) and I could eat as we don’t eat Huge Chunks of Meat. My parents came along and we split up – my dad, Sylvi, myself at Subway. My mom? She bought her lunch next door at the Baskin’ Robbins because nothing stands in the way of that woman and her sweet tooth. NOTHING.

Up until this moment, at 66 years of age, my father had never been to a Subway.

HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? wondered Sylvi who is from the Pacific Northwest.

I offered some really bizarre explanation about how New Yorkers don’t really eat at Subway? At least, I never did until I went to college because New Yorkers are big into their delis. And why on earth would you spend money on some really sketchy looking meat when you can go to the deli and go nuts with your Boarshead turkey and get something SUPER DELICIOUS dripping with mayo, amirite New Yawkas!?!?! COME ON.

Anyway. My dad, being a Brooklyn man, had not frequented a Subway so when we walked into the one in Nashville, he was freaking out.

First, he was freaking out in an anxious way. Dad took one look at the line and how you have to choose your bread first and your cheese next and ON AND ON and was like LAWRA WHAT DO I DO!? WHAT IS HAPPENING!? He was endearingly quite nervous until Sylvi and I found a menu and handed it to him and calmed his OCD down. ITALIAN HERB AND CHEESE, he remarked with relief. DAT SOUNDS PERFECT.

And thus, my Brooklyn father, in a land of Southerners, stepped up to the counter and ordered his sandwich.

All was normal for awhile – he chose his bread, he chose his meat, he picked some cheese.

And then something happened that he was completely unprepared for.

The woman behind the counter asked him if he would like his sandwich toasted.

WELL.

You would’ve thought that this woman had told him that she was going to pay off his mortgage and send him on a three year adventure across the world.

TOASTED. SHE WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE COULD TOAST HIS SANDWICH.

And my father, who thought that that was the NICEST most UNEXPECTED THING that could ever happen to him was caught totally off guard and because he was in shock and also because he is kind of going deaf, he ended up screaming at the woman:

TOASTED!?!?!? DAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!!!!!!

And the woman just stared blankly at him wide-eyed like what in the holy hell!?

And dad excitedly turned around to me and Sylvi like ITALIAN HERB AND CHEESE BREAD? AND SHE IS GONNA TOAST IT!? CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

Sylvi, who had met my parents just hours before, pretty much fell on the floor of Subway laughing and never got up. I think she’s still there.

The rest of the day, my dad was going on and on about how the lady toasted his sandwich, as if he was the only one she had asked. As if no one at Subway EVER asks such a thing. He also couldn’t get over how the cashier put his sandwich in a bag with napkins, AS THEY DO FOR EVERYONE. AS THEY DO AT EVERY SUBWAY EVER.

WOW, he said as we walked out the door, little bag of sandwich swinging on his arm, THAT WOMAN WAS SO WONDERFUL TO DO THAT FOR ME!!!

Right?

That woman rocked.

That woman was pretty much Jesus Christ himself.

MY DAD, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!

What an awesomely hilarious, incredibly strange man.

Ah, I am so lucky to be in his presence sometimes.