Sickly Times
It’s the most gorgeous springtime ever in New York City and I’ve been spending it inside with a severe cold that came on in about twenty minutes. Has that ever happened to you? One second you’re whipping up some pasta with arugula in the kitchen and in a matter of seconds you’re on the couch with a cup of tea watching re-runs of 30 Rock unable to breathe out of one nostril.
Why does this happen?
Especially in the springtime? When all I want to do is run around outside in linen pants?
I don’t actually own any linen pants.
(Should I buy some linen pants?)
I guess the good part is I can stay inside and do nothing.
OH WAIT, THAT IS A CRAPPY CONSOLATION PRIZE.
So it’s Tuesday and I’m blowing my nose into a roll of toilet paper because I ran out of tissues long ago.
And thus, I wrote a haiku:
My dear neti pot
You rinse saline through my nose
Gross gunk in my sink.
Fin.
I know I’ve got talent, guys. Cool it with the accolades. Complete and utter confidence in my poetry has never been my problem.
How’s YOUR week going?
I’m hoping to kick this thing by tomorrow. I chugged something called a KILLER X today which was like lemon juice, echinacea and unicorn blood. MAGIC ALL AROUND. We’ll see how it works.
In the mean time, I’ll be over here sipping some tea and moaning about how much my head hurts when I hold it upside down to which people around me keep saying ‘Well then maybe you shouldn’t be holding your head upside down?’ And then I kick them because WHAT DO THEY KNOW?!
Seriously, what do they know? I’m curious.
Feel better soon, and GO BUY SOME LINEN PANTS. Seriously.
Dude! Yes! I have the same “Hurry Up And Get Sick, No Wait, Now You’re Sicker” cold. What the…? I HAVE POTTERY CLASS TONIGHT, SINUSES. DON’T GET IN MY WAY. Sending love and virtual saline packets your way (thanks for the neti pot reminder!)
I routinely get sniffles. I just take a generic allergy tablet and (like magic) they go away. Try it; you might like it.
Don’t know about linen pants, but I love my linen shirt, so they’re probably awesome go buy them. It’s a shame that your extraterrestrial muppet DNA reacts poorly to zinc.
If I lived closer (as in, not the other side of the country) I’d bring you some kleenex, and ginger tea.
But, since you don’t actually know me, that would probably be kind of creepy. So never mind. Hope your cold leaves as fast as it comes.
I’m not sure actually knowing Laura and living closer in would make much of a difference, WM. I’ve been trying to get her to join me on turtle hunts in Central Park for years. Maybe I should switch to wombat hunts in Rockefeller Center.