This blog isn’t meant to offend anyone.
So many times I’m like I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT THIS and then I think it might hurt someone, so I don’t.
Well. I can’t stay quiet any longer about this particular topic.
And I know a few of you are going to take this personally and as a result, you might get your feelings hurt.
And for that, I am sorry.
I really am.
But I just have to go there right now. I do.
The thing is…
I think mushrooms are the grossest thing on the planet.
I think they are so so gross.
They smell weird, they have an awful texture, they taste both bland and intensely toxic and I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would want to consume one.
Let me put it to you thus:
I am a vegetarian and I would rather you eat a steak in front of me than a mushroom.
Speaking of which, as a vegetarian, I am ESPECIALLY BOTHERED that at most restaurants, anytime they offer a vegetarian meal, it automatically includes mushrooms. It’s like OH WAIT, SHE DON’T EAT MEAT? TRY THIS DISGUSTING PORTABELLO BURGER.
SERIOUSLY? The goal is to make the crazy vegetarians happy. Not to make them throw up in your restaurant.
I bring this up because I ordered a breakfast burrito at the coffee shop this morning (MOM! CHECK IT OUT: I’M ACTUALLY WRITING AT A COFFEE SHOP SO YOU CAN STOP THE LECTURES AND GUILT ABOUT ‘YOU SHOULD WRITE SOMETIME…’)
The menu stated that it came with veggies and I should’ve been all WHAT KIND OF VEGGIES? but I like to appear as low maintenance as possible so I was like veggies? I LOVE VEGGIES! I LOVE ALL VEGGIES.
Um. Until my breakfast burrito showed up and was made up of mostly mushrooms.
Not little chopped mushrooms.
Not a mushroom or two.
ONE THOUSAND HUGE MUSHROOMS.
(I took a picture of it with my phone but it makes me so ill that I can’t even post it. Plus, I’m sure there’s going to be a sicko out there who actually LIKES the picture and thinks it’s ATTRACTIVE and God, the internet is full of dangerous mushroomophiles.)
So, perhaps I should’ve brought it back to the counter and been like “Hi, excuse me, I’m sorry, I didn’t know vile shards of funghi that make me barf mushrooms were a part of this meal, can I exchange this for something edible that doesn’t make my skin crawl a different choice?”
EXCEPT at this particular coffee shop, about three months ago, I ordered a pesto panini. Sounds good right? Mozzarella, red peppers, YUMMMM!
Except in huge letters on the menu it said CHICKEN MOZZARELLA PESTO PANINI and my mind skipped over the chicken part so I became THAT girl who was like Oh sorry, is there chicken on this? I didn’t know that!
And I am not lying to you, three coffee shop employees all stared at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet, just blinking at my lame blonde self, all, Uh, that is a CHICKEN panini? So uh yeah, there is chicken on it.
AND I FELT SO STUPID.
AND I COULDN’T DO THAT AGAIN.
Even though I was met with a fate way worse…mushrooms all over my burrito.
WHO PUTS MUSHROOMS ON A BREAKFAST BURRITO? I ASK YOU.
I suppose maybe the answer is to just frequent another coffee shop. A coffee shop where mushrooms are banned from the menu and when I make a mistake ordering a chicken panini because I didn’t know there was chicken in it, I am not met with GOD U R DUMB stares.
But they have really good coffee here.
I’m sorry for those people who were hurt by my post.
I’m sorry for making things personal and for spewing my hate and rage and disgust all over the internet.
I really am.
BUT I HAVE TO LIVE AS MY MOST AUTHENTIC SELF, AMIRITE?
This is me, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
In other news, the avocado spread that came with the burrito is absolutely divine.
AVOCADO: A food I can get behind.
That’s all, guys.
What’s for lunch today?
Breakfast grossed me the hell out was disappointing but for lunch I have leftover birthday dinner which was this recipe, modified with vegetarian Italian sausage. It was EXCELLENTE.
And your views on mushrooms?
You can have whatever opinion you want about them.
As long as it’s the same as mine.