So! When we last left our heroine, she was graduating college and moving to the big City to be a star!

What really happened was that I moved back in with my parents for 6 months, worked a temp job, saved $3,000, quit that job and moved into a three bedroom apartment in Astoria, Queens with two friends from school. And oh, that $3,000 was gone in about two weeks.

WOOPS.

NYC is expensive!

My mom was all, SHOULDN’T YOU FIND A JOB? SHOULDN’T YOU HAVE A PLAN? SHOULDN’T YOU MAKE ALL THOSE LISTS YOU’VE BEEN MAKING ALL YOUR LIFE?

Funnily enough, moving to NYC with a few grand and no job on a moment’s notice was probably the most out of character thing I have ever done. It was May when I moved and our apartment didn’t have air conditioning and for the first few months, I didn’t have a desk or any furniture so I would lay on my stomach in a bikini on the floor of my bedroom in front of a fan, scanning craigslist for job postings as the sweat trickled down the back of my neck.

My roommate and I would take turns jumping into a cold shower to cool off. When things got really bad, I’d take the train to Barnes and Noble and read a book. When things got really insanely bad, we caved and bought an air conditioner.

And thus, I was welcomed into New York City, land of oppressive heat and winters that will freeze your ass off. WELCOME! WE ARE SO GLAD YOU’RE HERE!!!

I started showing up to cattle calls, non-union auditions that are open to everyone. In case you’re curious, these involve getting up around 5:30 in the morning, standing in a line on the street until the audition center opens. Then, you write your name on a piece of paper. When the monitor shows up, they can decide whether to honor the piece of paper (and the order in which you all showed up) or they can decide not to and make everyone sign up again in a new order and then girls cut each other in line and there are knock down drag out actress fights that culminate in someone screaming I’VE BEEN UP SINCE 3:30 IN THE MORNING, BITCHES and storming out of the building.

It’s a wonderful way to start your day, in case you want to give it a try.

But I was 22 so, whatever, you know?

I’d get up at 5:30 am and get in line by 7, wait around until 10 or 11 to actually audition. By then I was kind of too tired to focus on singing or warming up or sounding good. So I would kind of suck. And then I would go get lunch with a new audition buddy friend. Then, I would go to the Upper West Side to pick up a 5 year old from kindergarten at 2:30 and stay with him until 5:15. At that point, I would take the train to Battery Park City to spend evenings with two 11-month old twins who you may have heard about. I left the twins’ apartment between 9 pm and midnight on any given night, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. When it was late and their parents gave me money for a taxi, I would pocket it and take the subway instead so I could use the taxi cash to buy groceries.

Rinse. Repeat.

Girls at auditions were helpful, passing along the names of temp agencies, catering companies, recommending promotional work. I did it all. The first year I moved to New York, I had eight separate W-2 forms for my taxes, not including the two babysitting jobs who paid me under the table. So, I suppose that means I worked 10 separate jobs in less than a year.

When I think back on this time in my life, my first reaction is that I was completely, undeniably insane.

My almost 28 year old self is like, DUDE. Why didn’t you just GET A JOB LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!?

But the thing is, I couldn’t.

I needed flexibility. I needed mornings and some afternoons free so I could audition. And I told myself that this was all temporary, you know? I mean, I don’t need a desk job! I wasn’t going to be doing this for a long time! PUH-LEASE. I am TALENTED, I’m not sure if you KNEW THAT. I’m pretty sure I’ll have a Broadway show by my third week here! I mean, isn’t that how it works?

Oh, honey.

Ha.

No.

Not when you’re 22.

And blonde.

Because, dear, everyone in New York City is 22 and blonde.

Oh also? They are thinner than you.

Also? They went to a much better university and they graduated with an agent and with connections.

Also? Their dad is a Vanderbilt.

Also? Lots of them have parents that support them so they don’t have to work so they spend all day in class and don’t need to worry about paying their bills.

OR ALL OF THE ABOVE!

It’s a really sucky lesson to learn. I think many people have written about it before and probably much better than I ever could. Those moments where you learn you are a very tiny fish in a very big pond. Where you learn no one is going to hand you anything for free. When you learn that things cost money and people have it easier and life is kind of unfair and holy, what am I even doing this for?

But.

Even though the first year or two in New York City brought me back to earth, to the land of THIS IS GONNA BE TOUGH, I feel so much fondness and love for that 22 year old girl. For one thing, for the most part, she was so happy. Things got so hard and yet she would steady herself, every time. She propelled herself out of bed in those early mornings, all on her own. She found a voice teacher, she joined a work/study program at a dance center so she could take class for free, she set herself free from unhealthy relationships that held her down.

She grew up.

She broke free.

She was poor and she was exhausted but she was doing what she loved. Or, she was trying to.

And then, after about a year of trying, auditioning and getting nowhere, she got a phone call one afternoon while temping, offering her a job. An acting job. A three month contract to tour the country in a van. In return, she’d get paid. And get her union card. Which would prevent her from getting up at 5:30 am for an audition, ever again.

She found a subletter.

She packed a single suitcase.

And off she went, once again.

She was 23.

 

More tomorrow!