This Joke Is Still Going On
Wednesday night, 7 pm
The Scene: Out for a delicious restaurant week dinner (I had chocolate caramel cake for dessert with cinnamon whipped cream), a few hours before a crazy thundering snowstorm walloped New York City with all its might.
Backstory: Emily is one of the children Alayna nannies for, a completely obsessed Harry Potter fan, avid reader and slightly awkward tween.
Me: Emily reminds me of me.
Alayna: Emily is turning twelve soon.
Me: TWELVE!? SHE IS SO OLD.
Alayna: I KNOW.
Me: What’s she doing for her birthday?
Alayna: She’s going out to dinner, she’s eating cupcakes, she’s having a sleepover.
Me: Oh my God, that is the best birthday.
Raven: That’s what I’m doing for my birthday.
Alayna: I think you should definitely have a sleepover for your 30th birthday.
Me: PLEASE DO. IT WILL BE AMAZING. I WILL PAINT YOUR NAILS.
Alayna: ANYWAY, you’ll never believe what movie Emily wants to watch during the sleepover…
Raven: Silence of the Lambs.
Me: Schindler’s List.
Alayna: You guys, no, shut up…
Raven: The Shining.
Me: The Pianist.
Raven: Showgirls.
Me: Philadelphia.
Alayna: ARE YOU GUYS DONE NOW?
Me: No way, dude. If you’re going to set me up with “GUESS WHAT MOVIE A 12 YEAR OLD WANTS TO WATCH ON HER BIRTHDAY!?”, I am going to just keep rattling off really inappropriate guesses.
Raven: As am I.
Alayna: The point was she wants to watch “Legally Blonde”.
Me: THAT IS A GREAT MOVIE.
Alayna: I know.
Me: And so not an Emily movie.
Alayna: I know. That’s why I was surprised.
Raven: You know what else is not an Emily movie?
Alayna: No. Stop.
Raven: The Godfather.
Me: APOCALYPSE NOW.
Alayna: I think it’s time to go.
…
Wednesday, 9:12 pm.
Text to Raven, from Laura: Braveheart.
Text to Laura, from Raven: The Lifetime original movie “He Loves Me Not”.
…
Thursday, 5:09 pm.
Text to Raven, from Laura: Saving Private Ryan.
Text to Laura, from Raven: Bad News Bears.
Fin
…Psycho. The Birds. Blair Witch Project.
(in full disclosure, I have never seen any of the above, because: SCARY!!!)
I saw Blair Witch Project in high school on a date and Rita had to buy me tickets because it was rated R and they checked my ID. Nothing like your mom buying you tickets on a date. LEMME TELL YA. Anyway, it was horrifying and I didn’t sleep for days. See also: Paranormal Activity.
How Stella Got her Groove Back
Trainspotting
My favorite so far was “The Lifetime original movie “He Loves Me Not”.”
The Descent, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street.
All movies of abject terror.
Oh, c’mon, Guys! PSYCHO! AND I can’t believe I did such an illegal thing as buy tickets for a MINOR! OMG, the GUILT! And, so, God had the last laugh as Laura was scared outta her mind!
Oh, yeah, another one: CARRIE! YES! Got candles?
I wish I could have seen Psycho with no preconceptions. Alas, it is so ingrained in popular culture that I knew the basic story before I ever watched it. Fun fact about Psycho: Alfred Hitchcock thought he was making a black comedy, not a movie of abject terror.
Actually, I don’t know if that’s true, but it seems true, and that’s the important thing.
Carrie is awesome. Probably the best you-think-it’s-over-but-it’s-not scare ever.
9 1/2 weeks. And I’m pretty sure Raven would agree with “Spiderbabe.”