So, according to my blog AKA The Internet Bible, I fell down and went bum on my knee and ankle on Sunday October 3rd, rescued by Rafael and diagnosed with a sprain. According to my calculations, that was over six weeks ago. You’ll be pleased to know that my knee and ankle are worse than they were when I first injured them.

HOW!? you may ask. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE, LAURA?

I will tell you, ladies and gentleman.

Here is how you can make an injury worse:

1. Ignore everything everyone tells you.
2. The End.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

No but seriously, folks. The doctor told me to stay off it completely for two weeks. Everyone else told me it might take up to four. The world at large reiterated that if I tried to exercise on it or push too hard, I would re-injure it and make it worse. Sprains take a long time to heal, blah blah.

Naturally, I waited one week.

Then I wrapped up my knee and went for a run.

I KNOW.

It actually didn’t seem too bad after that so I tried a few yoga classes, modifying the moves. It didn’t seem worse but it didn’t seem better so I just carried on.

I finally started to notice an improvement so I went out to a play and wore high heels. It should be noted that up until then, I could do no such thing as the tendon in the back of my ankle would SCREAM if I dared to compress it like that. BUT WEAR HEELS I DID! AND THEN I WOKE UP AND WENT FOR ANOTHER RUN.

And now I walk with a limp.

I have to ice it.

And take anti-inflammatory meds.

And elevate it on some pillows.

I have a raging case of tendonitis and everyone is all THAT WILL PROBABLY TAKE SIX MONTHS TO HEAL! BEST OF LUCK!

And it’s all my fault because I’m an idiot who exercised and pushed herself too hard and likes wearing high heeled shoes. So. Yay me.

This is what it is.

My father hasn’t walked in eight months so I feel like I can suck this up.

(But I don’t suck it up, you should know. I was at Starbucks the other day waiting for my coffee next to two runners who couldn’t stop talking about THE AMAZING RUN THEY JUST HAD, all sweaty and sporty, STRETCHING THEIR CALVES AGAINST THE COUNTER. I almost hurled a few coffee mugs at their heads because UGH STOP SHOWING OFF I HATE YOU.)

Um. What I mean is, I’m handling it gracefully.

I’m learning to listen to my body and stop being so aggressive with it. I’m gentle now. I avoid stairs, I sit a lot, I rest. It’s getting better. Slowly but surely. It’ll just take time.

The saddest part of this injury is the timing as I cannot run the Santa Monica stairs with Tom this year.

And yes, that means I leave for Los Angeles tomorrow.

Which is THRILLING as Tom and I have many exciting plans in store!

But also devastating because one thing I love about LA is the warm weather which allows me to run stairs and hike and climb and EAT FROZEN YOGURT ALL DAY HUZZAH I CAN STILL DO THAT!!!

Oh, well.

Instead of running stairs, after spending Thanksgiving Day in Los Angeles, Tom and I will be driving up the coast to San Francisco.

Have you been? Do you live there? What should I do there? I’m well enough to walk around and hopefully the hills won’t pose too much of a problem. Anything specific I should do? Eat? See? HAVE AT ME.

In other news, apparently at the airport tomorrow, I’m going to get a choice of being felt up by a TSA employee or get my body scanned so my most private parts will be visible on a TV screen. Apparently, this will make all the people in the airport really hot and bothered and ISN’T THAT SO INAPPROPRIATE? I SHOULD SUE THE GOVERNMENT.

I’m sort of living in the land of ‘so what?’ and can’t really relate to all these articles freaking out about suing or declaring it a huge violation of my freedom. It takes a lot for me to get all riled up. Or rather, it takes specific things, I think. I’m more concerned about people cutting me in the check-in line (LAST YEAR!) or spending the flight in the bathroom throwing up as the flight attendant passes me club soda in a plastic cup (LAST YEAR!) or having turbulence so bad that I wonder if I’m going to make it out alive (EVERY YEAR!).

Extra security measures?

Um. Okay. Fine. Keep me safe, America. It’s all good.

I’m a little wary of the radiation from the scanning machine though which means right now I’m leaning toward a pat down. My sister-in-law informed me that they are instructed to pat me down until they FEEL SOMETHING. So I stole some stuffed animals from the twins to put in my bra and underpants. I mean, that counts as feeling something right? OH THAT OLD THING? THAT’S JUST A STUFFED OKAPI! COOL, RIGHT? NO BOMBS HERE! JUST FLUFFILICIOUSNESS!

Ahem.

I’m off to ice my knee and print out a list of Things To Do In San Francisco. Right now, the only thing on it is to wave hey to Danny Tanner.

That should suffice, yeah??