No. I’m not.

It’s just that my hormones are out of whack (WHAT ELSE IS NEW?) and I’m trying to stay grounded but crap is hitting the fan EVERYWHERE OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. And none of it is bloggable which is a damn shame because these are GREAT STORIES.

Which reminds me that my mom told me this weekend that I need to write more. Like, every day. And I pointed out that I do that, actually. I DO WRITE EVERY DAY. And she said my blog didn’t count.

Can you guys tell my mom that my blog counts?

THANKS A LOT, RITA.

FOR NOTHING.

I could be on edge. A LITTLE OVERSENSITIVE, PERHAPS? Blame my escalating estrogen levels.

I knew something was up when just a few days ago, I read about this little slideshow and started clicking through the pictures and then I burst into tears. THAT IS LOVE, PEOPLE! LOVE WITH EGGS AND PEANUT BUTTER! And then I got emotional over the fact that no one would ever cut up my eggs like that if I was on bed rest and then I started thinking about all those people on bed rest who were lonely and maybe their feet were cold and maybe they were bored and bed rest must be the worst thing ever except being burned at the stake and I got REALLY depressed for a few hours until I was like SELF? METHINKS YOUR HORMONES ARE MAKING YOU NUTSO.

It’s like that time a few months ago when I curled up in bed and watched Danny and Annie over and over again until I couldn’t breathe.

NOT GOOD, YOU GUYS.

So, I’m laying low until the Cloud of Insanity passes over. I’m pretty sure I ate about ten pumpkin chocolate chip cookies at my parents’ house on Sunday. It felt so great! Until it didn’t.

WHICH REMINDS ME! I went to Whole Foods to get some ingredients to make dinner for my family and guess what my recipe called for? SHALLOTS. FREAKING SHALLOTS. After that ridiculous blog post where I whipped out the phrase ‘organic shallots’ just for the hell of it and couldn’t get that phrase out of my head for about fifty years. So as I walked the aisle of the supermarket, I was like HM! I WONDER IF ORGANIC SHALLOTS ACTUALLY EXIST?

Turns out?

They do.

(Except those are tomatoes in that picture, not organic shallots. PHOTOGRAPHY FAIL.)

(Also, $5.99/lb and imported from Canada? WHOLE FOODS, THAT AIN’T LOCAL. OR REASONABLE. NATURALLY I BOUGHT TWO.)

And now I am going to stop typing.

Because my mind hurts and my boobs hurt and I feel like I would benefit from a relaxing bath. Or a grilled cheese sandwich. OR BOTH AT THE SAME TIME???

MY MIND IS BLOWN BY THAT CONCEPT.

And this is why my blog doesn’t count.

Because this is the kind of crap I write about every day.

Lord have mercy on my soul.

Forever and ever, amen.