Combat Mode
You guys have been so helpful in the comments lately.
And by helpful, I mean totally complimentary and sweet and my ego is loving it.
But you guys?
My ego is being a bitch.
I took stock of her recently and was like, DAMN GRRRL! You are totally narcissistic sometimes and self-absorbed and there are people in the world with, like, REAL problems, you know? I mean I spent a good part of ten minutes e-mailing a friend of mine today about how annoyed I am by raisins in baked goods. You know? Like, THEY RUIN EVERYTHING. THOSE RAISINS.
Um. Surely there are bigger things that need my attention. Like, Darfur?
So my question to you, faithful blog readers is this:
When you notice yourself getting into Pity Mode or Angsty White Girl Mode or Everything Is About Me Mode or Negative Nancy Mode…
How do you get out of it?
How do you combat that?
It just sort of sneaks up on me sometimes. I live in New York City and at any given moment, I can walk down the street and buy a new pair of shoes that I don’t need or marinated artichokes for seven million dollars a pound or a bottle of organic raspberry seltzer and I feel like I’ve been indulging those urges far too often. I used to be so good about knowing what I Needed and what I Wanted and now the lines are crossed and blurred. I look around my apartment and I’m sort of disgusted by all my crap.
Yes? Am I relating to anyone? Or am I just the most spoiled person ever?
I think I want to discuss HOW I got to be this way because it’s an interesting topic. But maybe that should go in another post. For now, I just want some help. Some ideas. How do you get out of yourself and see the bigger picture?
This is what I’ve done so far:
1. I’ve already gone through my closet in a big Fall Cleaning Purge. I donated two bags of clothes to Goodwill, recycled a ton of useless paperwork and sold a pair of high heels on eBay to a girl who met me outside of Macy’s and I totally felt like a spy when we did the shoe exchange. Or a drug dealer.
2. I joined the bone marrow registry. More extensive post to follow about that!
3. Started writing in my gratitude journal again. Three things, every night. What I am grateful for. Today I am grateful for avocado, scotch tape and my gray Converse sneakers.
Other Stuff:
1. I find that monetary contributions don’t do much for me. I mean, my God. They’re not supposed to make me feel good! They’re supposed to save Haiti! And stuff! I have no problem donating money to good causes but I’m looking for something a little more personal. As in, volunteering my time or getting suggestions on ways I can shift my perspective on a daily basis. Yeah?
2. I’m volunteering on Wednesdays at my philosophy school which is an excellent exercise in service and thinking outside of ME. However! If you have service suggestions, I would be more than open. I used to volunteer with NY Cares but the project I was on was cancelled and frankly, that organization is so huge that all the projects I want to tackle fill up far too quickly.
3. I AM DONE MAKING LISTS NOW. GOD.
So, have at me, dear readers. I’m in combat mode. And I’m ready to fight. People close to me are healthy, the fall is here and as delicious as always, I have a job and almost full use of my muppet limbs, I live in the greatest city ever…
How can I more regularly get back to remembering how good I have it?
How can I live every day in service to others?
How can I shove that raging ego maniac that lives in my head aside? NO GRRRL YOU DO NOT NEED TO BUY THOSE ORGANIC SHALLOTS!
Your suggestions welcome.
I just want to get back to that place where everything I have is Enough.
(c) _lauren_loves
You might want to start by looking at what you are putting down on your gratitude list. Seriously, those are the 3 things you are grateful for today? I think you can dig a tad deeper
Well. Herm. Sometimes they’re fluffy as they are today, sometimes they’re deeper things – people in my life, experiences, abilities. I didn’t realize there was a right way to write a gratitude list! I think there’s value in the little stuff. It seems a little shallow but sometimes appreciating the small things helps me appreciate the bigger, etc. Yes/no?
I was just trying to poke your ego in combat mode here on The Spectrum. And there is so totally a right way to write a gratitude list. I just don’t know what that is.
Why not be narcissistic? You’re Laura Dlug! If ever there was someone who had good reason to be narcissistic, it’s you. Because you’re flipping awesome. So, buy those organic shallots and enjoy them. Enjoy the heck out of them. Buying yourself a new pair of shoes instead of dwelling on Darfur does not make you the most spoiled person ever. It’s not like you’re some trust fund baby. You work. You babysit. You’ve earned your money and you can spend it however you like.
My self-reminder is the phrase “Big Picture”. When I get caught up in how unsatisfying parts of my life are, I make myself think of the big picture. I have more blessings than so many people, like my 38 year old neighbor who just had a double mastectomy, my father who has a drinking problem and poor health, that kid at my son’s school who appears neglected and abused. My “mitzvah” is my volunteer work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Nothing feels as good, or makes you as grateful, as helping grant wishes to kids with life-threatening illnesses. I just sent a 2 year old girl who is blind from a brain tumor to Disney; in two weeks, my other wish child is going to Lego land. I think you would be an amazing wish granter.
Umm, hello, muppet limbs. We just had a conversation about this. In no particular order, I deal with this by isolating myself from EVERYONE, therefore not giving myself the chance to whine and indulge and ruin friendships. However, this is unhealthy and will result in a prescription to Prozac so I do not suggest it.
Also, I stay far, far away from my mother, as she is a source of comfort temptation that is NEVER EVER WORTH IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY CAN’T I JUST REMEMBER THIS. DAMN HER AND HER COMPASSION AND SOOTHING WAYS THAT BITE ME IN THE ASS LATER ON.
I do, however, indulge in twitter whining because omg it is so cathartic.
Damnit, Deanna. I look to you for Right Way To Write A Gratitude List. DO NOT LET ME DOWN. I suppose it begins with something better than avocado. BUT AVOCADO IS SO DELICIOUS.
I just wanted to share that I really find it rewarding to do small acts of charity everyday. I try to do three a day. I might go back and swipe my metro card for that person who needs it (please don’t tell mta on me.) I might do all the dishes in the sink at work/home even though none of them are mine. Or I might go out of my way to give some poor lost looking person directions either or the train or on the street corner. Something like that. I also try to take a breath and be patient with my classmates. I try to answer their questions patiently when they ask me about assignments even though we went over that in class last week.
I also have gotten in the habit of buying a foot long sub at subway and finding a homeless person to give half of it to. For me doing little things all day helps me live a more charitable life, more than a big contribution at one time. Also, I find I can do little things spontaneously whenever I feel I need to get out of myself a little. Just wanted to share some ideas.
Alayna – YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD PERSON. Seriously. STOP. That Subway idea is so fantastic. I get to Eat Fresh and so does a homeless person. WIN/WIN! Seriously, these are great. I find so much happiness in those little things too. Three a day is a fantastic goal. And being patient with your grad school classmates makes me laugh because OH I remember those college days of stupid people asking stupid questions and just wanting to be like SHUT UP ALREADY.
You are a much kinder person than I am.
I agree with Tim, sort of. You work for your money, you are not buying organic shallots and shoes at the expense of paying your rent or on someone else’s dime, so you should not feel guilt about spending money that you earned through hard work on things that might seem frivolous. At the same time, I totally understand the feeling. For me, if the guilt comes from the knowledge that I can and have spent money on luxuries (whether that luxury is an expensive cup of coffee or new leather boots) when there are so many people in this world who can barely afford necessities, I don’t stop indulging in any luxuries for myself as a way of evening the score.
How does that help anyone else? Does a starving family in a third world country eat if I don’t buy a new purse? Does an underfunded school get books if I cut back my latte and taxi habit?
Instead, as Alayna said, I try to give back to those who are less fortunate than I, while recognizing my great (relative) fortune but not apologizing or feeling shame in it. I get involved in causes that I believe in, in ways that I feel that I can make a difference. I volunteer at soup kitchens (I don’t know any near you, but if you have an interest in volunteering in soup kitchens in Hell’s Kitchen, let me know). I donate money to charities and causes I support (I really love donorschoose.org- it is a wonderful charity site- kind of like kiva, but for underfunded schools). I overtip in cabs and restaurants. I take the time to say please and thank you to every person with whom I interact, because not all generosity has to be monetary!
Rachel – Yes to all this! It’s interesting because the more you people comment, the more I realize that I DO do these things or similar things quite a bit. And yes, I can do what I want with my money! And organic shallots, for the record, were a total exaggeration because even if I did buy them, they wouldn’t cost me very much. THE POINT IS: you are right. And I feel sort of schizophrenic as my last post was on Perspective and this post was on Selfishness and my following post was on Artichoke Brooches. So, I’m not really sure what the freak my problem is, you guys. I have zero idea. But you are all cheering me up immensely. And giving me lots to think about.
Also? Alayna? I forgot to say this but I agree with everything you said except swiping that metrocard. DUDE, that shit is ILLEGAL.
Rachel, I was just being a contrarian for the lulz, but, now that I think about it, I agree with almost every word I said up there.
Giving away a swipe of a metrocard is not illegal. I’ve done it right in front of cops and they don’t blink an eye. It’s only illegal if you do it for money or sexual favors. THE MORE YOU KNOW! *rainbow*
Listen to Tim and buy the organic shallots, dammit.
This is completely unrelated to everything in your post slash these comments but I just realized what is missing from my life.
I need for your father to comment on this blog.
It would seriously enhance my life by a factor of a thousand and four.
LAWRA. I CAN GET YOU ORGANIC SHALLOTS FOR FREE WITH MY COUPONS.
See, now you need it too. You know it.
Well, now we know that the road to Hell is paved with organic shallots. I can see it now – Laura standing at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter saying sympathetically, “I’m terribly sorry, Laura, you were so close, but we just can’t overlook your organic shallot purchases. If only you had stopped at organic raspberry seltzer. Ah, well. Live and learn, as they say. And then go to Hell.”
But I’m glad the Devil was considerate enough to misspell “damn it.” You usually don’t expect that sort of sensitivity from the Prince of Darkness.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THE SHALLOTS WERE JUST AN EXAMPLE.
Okay, Sr. Rita here: The emptiness is a spiritual emptiness that we fill with stuff. I know, I do it, have done it and probably will do it again and maybe realize a little earlier that I do. The purging does help and we are allowing others to benefit from what we don’t really need but they do need.
The helping others in the soup kitchen is a good start but more than that, it needs to be done with consistency and not to help us feel good. There are many places that need help but they need people who can commit for months or a year or so.
It’s hard to not justify treating ourselves well but, with all due respect to those who do not believe in a higher power, we are blessed to have what we have. Nothing really belongs to us anyway. It’s the ol’ Puritan work ethic that stated we are to pull ourselves up by our boot straps and that sometimes causes us to judge others as if they should be able to go that, too. It’s random blessings to have what we have and we owe it to everyone to give back UNTIL IT HURTS! not to make us feel good but to really begin to feel the lack others experience.End of sermon, lecture, etc. The End.
Senior Rita? Senorita Rita?
Anyway…
I agree with The Mom that charity requires committment if you want to really make a difference. I also like Alayna’s ‘random acts of kindness’ suggestions. But, if you’re referring to a spiritual malaise, Laura, then my advice is simply prayer. If you believe in God and you’re feeling distant from Him, then close the gap with prayer.
[...] make dinner for my family and guess what my recipe called for? SHALLOTS. FREAKING SHALLOTS. After that ridiculous blog post where I whipped out the phrase ‘organic shallots’ just for the hell of it and [...]