You guys have been so helpful in the comments lately.
And by helpful, I mean totally complimentary and sweet and my ego is loving it.
But you guys?
My ego is being a bitch.
I took stock of her recently and was like, DAMN GRRRL! You are totally narcissistic sometimes and self-absorbed and there are people in the world with, like, REAL problems, you know? I mean I spent a good part of ten minutes e-mailing a friend of mine today about how annoyed I am by raisins in baked goods. You know? Like, THEY RUIN EVERYTHING. THOSE RAISINS.
Um. Surely there are bigger things that need my attention. Like, Darfur?
So my question to you, faithful blog readers is this:
When you notice yourself getting into Pity Mode or Angsty White Girl Mode or Everything Is About Me Mode or Negative Nancy Mode…
How do you get out of it?
How do you combat that?
It just sort of sneaks up on me sometimes. I live in New York City and at any given moment, I can walk down the street and buy a new pair of shoes that I don’t need or marinated artichokes for seven million dollars a pound or a bottle of organic raspberry seltzer and I feel like I’ve been indulging those urges far too often. I used to be so good about knowing what I Needed and what I Wanted and now the lines are crossed and blurred. I look around my apartment and I’m sort of disgusted by all my crap.
Yes? Am I relating to anyone? Or am I just the most spoiled person ever?
I think I want to discuss HOW I got to be this way because it’s an interesting topic. But maybe that should go in another post. For now, I just want some help. Some ideas. How do you get out of yourself and see the bigger picture?
This is what I’ve done so far:
1. I’ve already gone through my closet in a big Fall Cleaning Purge. I donated two bags of clothes to Goodwill, recycled a ton of useless paperwork and sold a pair of high heels on eBay to a girl who met me outside of Macy’s and I totally felt like a spy when we did the shoe exchange. Or a drug dealer.
2. I joined the bone marrow registry. More extensive post to follow about that!
3. Started writing in my gratitude journal again. Three things, every night. What I am grateful for. Today I am grateful for avocado, scotch tape and my gray Converse sneakers.
1. I find that monetary contributions don’t do much for me. I mean, my God. They’re not supposed to make me feel good! They’re supposed to save Haiti! And stuff! I have no problem donating money to good causes but I’m looking for something a little more personal. As in, volunteering my time or getting suggestions on ways I can shift my perspective on a daily basis. Yeah?
2. I’m volunteering on Wednesdays at my philosophy school which is an excellent exercise in service and thinking outside of ME. However! If you have service suggestions, I would be more than open. I used to volunteer with NY Cares but the project I was on was cancelled and frankly, that organization is so huge that all the projects I want to tackle fill up far too quickly.
3. I AM DONE MAKING LISTS NOW. GOD.
So, have at me, dear readers. I’m in combat mode. And I’m ready to fight. People close to me are healthy, the fall is here and as delicious as always, I have a job and almost full use of my muppet limbs, I live in the greatest city ever…
How can I more regularly get back to remembering how good I have it?
How can I live every day in service to others?
How can I shove that raging ego maniac that lives in my head aside? NO GRRRL YOU DO NOT NEED TO BUY THOSE ORGANIC SHALLOTS!
Your suggestions welcome.
I just want to get back to that place where everything I have is Enough.