Some Stuff I Know Now That I Didn’t Know Before
by Laura Elizabeth, age 27.4
1. How to correctly pronounce “Budapest”.
2. If you charge your credit card and tell yourself you’ll pay it off later, you probably won’t.
3. If you’ve had too much to drink, taking a multi-vitamin before bed will prevent a hangover.
4. Men that want to date you will let you know. If they don’t, they’re not ‘busy’ or ‘working up the courage’. They just don’t actually want to date you.
5. How to say “Good morning, I’d like a cappuccino!” in Italian.
6. Saying ‘no’ to people doesn’t make you an asshole.
7. Living with people is hard but it’s something you need to know how to do. Some nights there will be dishes left in the sink and crumbs all over the floor and some nights there will be someone in bed with you sipping champagne and watching YouTube videos. There is a metaphor for life in there somewhere.
8. What my dad looks like with gray hair.
9. You should set the timer when cooking pasta because otherwise, you forget when it’s done and mushy pasta is gross.
10. Olive green is not a flattering shade on you.
11. Navy blue is though.
12. There’s usually two sides to every story and blame usually rests to some degree on both parties BUT BUT BUT – 1% of the time, it’s actually 100% the other person who goes batshit crazy. Not your fault, dude. Not. Your. Fault.
13. Vodka is not your friend.
14. The guy at the bagel store is named Steve. For five years, you thought it was Dominic. Total fail. Good guess, though.
15. There is no time line for marriage and babies and successful careers. You think there is. You think it matters. You know what? It doesn’t.
16. Caffeine affects the intensity of menstrual cramps. And your sanity. Drink accordingly.
17. A really good snack is a bunch of chocolate chips stirred into a tablespoon of chunky peaut butter.
18. It’s not really ever okay to talk shit about someone. No matter how much they piss you off. No. Seriously.
19. You can’t make pesto in a blender. Invest in a food processor.
20. Sometimes things will get really dark, black maybe. But the light always tends to come back in, slowly maybe. In slits or in huge bursts, the light comes back in. Always. This is the way life goes, my dear. This is the way life goes.
I like this list! #12 is totally one of my hardest learned lessons. I’m glad to have figured out #15, too, although that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with it sometimes. But #4 is just depressing. True, but depressing.
I think you learned me some things, there, L-Diddy. But what I really want to know about is show tunes. Teach me about show tunes, Laura. And I’ll teach you about rock ‘n’ roll. I’d teach you about turtles, but I don’t really know anything about them.
Except where to find them in NYC.
Which isn’t particularly useful.
Unless you want to find turtles in NYC, of course.
In which case, I’m your man.
I couldn’t agree more with #15. When you are younger and you see old friends and people you graduated with getting married and having children, you feel that you missed a very important train. The truth is that train comes more often than you think it does.
Surprisingly I figured out #19 recently as well but you have me at a loss for #4 and #16 and I think I’m ok with that.
Kyle! You are so inspiring! It’s so true. Are you sure you don’t need more info for #4 and #16? JUST SAYIN’. IT’S IMPORTANT.
Katie! – Amen, sister. I’ve had run-ins with #12 a few times in my life but a recent one really cemented it for me. It’s seriously not you sometimes. And yeah, #4. I wish it weren’t the case but…I really think it is. C’est la vie!