Inspired by Laurie, I took a Myers-Brigg personality test. Actually, I took it twice and got two different results. What does it say about me that I had to stop at certain questions and ANALYZE THEM TO DEATH?

I believe my second go-round, which involved me just MAKING A FREAKING CHOICE ALREADY, is more accurate. I am apparently an ESFJ.This means I am a:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* slightly expressed sensing personality
* distinctively expressed feeling personality
* distinctively expressed judging personality

According to this summary and this summary, I am a Guardian, a Protector, a Nurturer, a Provider. I read the following paragraph and laughed because wasn’t I just talking about trying to figure out how to answer the test questions correctly? And freaking out because I couldn’t decide? WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.

This basically means I fight with myself constantly. And abhorring conflict? Oh yes. I get this from my dad. It’s a great quality. If by great, you mean extremely unhealthy and repressive.

Hi, hello, I KNOW.

I liked this too:

Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.

Oh man. If that isn’t me, I do not know what is.

According to further analysis of my personality type, I would make an excellent elementary school teacher (MY MOTHER HAS BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS!), social worker, fashion merchandiser (I…?), nurse, hotel/restaurant manager (DEAR GOD NO, NOT ON YOUR LIFE) or radiologic technician (WTF?).

I guess the general idea is that I like to help people. And my feelings bruise easily. Or something. SO GLAD I DECIDED TO BE AN ACTOR! You know? It’s such a rewarding field full of so little pain and agony.

Oh. Wait. I lied.

My philosophy teacher (who is a drama professor by day) remarked recently that it is fascinating to him that a people in such desperate need for attention/validation (actors) choose a profession that is riddled with uncertainty and rejection. I think it’s interesting too even if only on a personal level. My mother has often commented that she finds my career path so surprising considering I am such a sensitive person. One would think I would’ve gone on to do something far less combative. Say, radiologic technician.

I like to think that me choosing acting as a career was sort of The Universe’s way of making sure I worked on my issues. I have to face that need for approval and learn to let it go. I have to get my feelings bruised so I learn how to toughen up. You know? Are you still listening? Even after I went all Eckhart Tolle on your asses and used “The Universe” with a capital “U”? YEAH. I DID THAT.

MOVING ON! More about my personality because this blog is about me and me and only me except when it’s about my dad:

Friendly, outgoing, neighborly – in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors.

The gregarious thing comes from my mom and I definitely DO strike up conversations with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic. My mother does this and has done this my whole life and when I was a teenager, I was all OH PLEASE SHUT UP. THE GROCERY STORE CLERK DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR JOKE.

But the thing is, the grocery clerk nine times out of ten DID care about my mom’s joke and would laugh and they would exchange pleasantries and both of their happiness levels would significantly increase after that encounter. I find myself doing this all the time though I usually don’t even notice it. I chat up waiters, baristas, people waiting in line at the book store, people next to me on the subway. We don’t have lengthy chats. I usually just make a self-deprecating joke and we smile and OH THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

On the flip side, most of the time, I’d rather read a book and stay out of it entirely. But if I have no book and you’re ringing up my groceries, too bad for you because WANNA HEAR A JOKE?

The good times from years past thing is hilarious because it is SPOT ON. Most of the conversation with my family and friends involves me sitting there and just blurting our random memories. REMEMBER WHEN I GOT STUNG BY THAT WASP? REMEMBER WHEN I ORDERED THAT EGGPLANT DISH AT THAT ITALIAN PLACE ON 11th AVENUE? REMEMBER WHEN MOM FORGOT TO PICK ME UP AT CHURCH CHOIR PRACTICE?

Good times, y’all!

I also DO find birthdays/anniversaries important…any type of family tradition really. And I do show a “delightful fascination” at the news of friends and neighbors. Except when it’s news from the neighbors we don’t like and DON’T JUDGE ME, we all have neighbors we don’t like. WE ALL DO.

So, wow! I am learning so much about myself! Aren’t I? Except I kind of knew this stuff already. But the analysis is helpful. And it is probably most helpful to remember my personality traits when I am interacting with others or in relationships of any kind. I suppose this is a way to draw on my strengths and work on my weaknesses and throw great parties because every website keeps saying I am a FANTASTIC hostess and I remember everyone’s name and am very concerned with everyone’s well being and HEY YOU, do you need a refill on that glass of wine? Let me hook you up because I AM A NURTURER and a PROVIDER and I am going back to school to be a RADIOLOGIC TECHNICIAN! What? Where are you going? I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. REMEMBER WHEN?