I was cooking in the kitchen last night when The Roommate came home.
Roommate: You won’t believe what happened!
Me: Try me.
Roommate: So I’m walking down Ninth Avenue and the men are OUT and they are HOT and I catch this super cute guy’s eye.
Roommate: And we keep walking and then we BOTH LOOK BACK.
Roommate: So, I’m going out with him next week.
Me: HOW DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO YOU? THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.
Roommate: I’m magical.
Me: NO, SERIOUSLY. THAT ANNOYS ME. I ALWAYS CATCH EYES WITH GUYS AND THEY JUST KEEP WALKING.
Roommate: Oh, I also Craigslist missed connection-ed him.
Roommate: He found it twenty minutes after I posted it.
Me: Life is weird.
Roommate: You know what’s weird?
Roommate: His name is super specific name, not typically of our generation.
Me: (pause) Wait. Are you serious?
Roommate: Yeah! Weird, right?
Me: No…wait. Is he a super specific occupation?
Roommate: (slaps me) WHAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!
Me: OH SHIT.
Roommate: WHAT WHAT WHAT YOU KNOW HIM?
Me: (meekly) Sort of?
Roommate: WHAT WHAT WHAT
Me: Um. He sort of just dumped my co-worker in the park last week.
Roommate: WHY IS NEW YORK CITY SO FREAKING SMALL!?
Me: He used the excuse that he wasn’t over his ex. In case you’re wondering.
Roommate: UGH, SUCH A TYPICAL EXCUSE.
Me: It could’ve been just an excuse. Maybe he Just Wasn’t That Into my co-worker.
Roommate: I don’t care.
Me: You don’t?
Roommate: Nah. It’s spring. I don’t need anything serious anyway.
Me: Okay. Enjoy. If he asks you to take a walk in the park…
Roommate: Got it. I say, “No thanks, I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WALKS IN THE PARK.”
Roommate: Well, at least now I’m prepared.
Me: Live long and prosper.
Roommate: Will do.