(Act I is here. Act II is here.)

I was cooking in the kitchen last night when The Roommate came home.

Roommate: You won’t believe what happened!

Me: Try me.

Roommate: So I’m walking down Ninth Avenue and the men are OUT and they are HOT and I catch this super cute guy’s eye.

Me: Mmmhmm.

Roommate: And we keep walking and then we BOTH LOOK BACK.

Me: Fascinating.

Roommate: So, I’m going out with him next week.

Me: HOW DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO YOU? THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.

Roommate: I’m magical.

Me: NO, SERIOUSLY. THAT ANNOYS ME. I ALWAYS CATCH EYES WITH GUYS AND THEY JUST KEEP WALKING.

Roommate: Oh, I also Craigslist missed connection-ed him.

Me: Oh.

Roommate: He found it twenty minutes after I posted it.

Me: Life is weird.

Roommate: You know what’s weird?

Me: Sigh.

Roommate: His name is super specific name, not typically of our generation.

Me: (pause) Wait. Are you serious?

Roommate: Yeah! Weird, right?

Me: No…wait. Is he a super specific occupation?

Roommate: (slaps me) WHAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

Me: OH SHIT.

Roommate: WHAT WHAT WHAT YOU KNOW HIM?

Me: (meekly) Sort of?

Roommate: WHAT WHAT WHAT

Me: Um. He sort of just dumped my co-worker in the park last week.

Roommate: WHY IS NEW YORK CITY SO FREAKING SMALL!?

Me: He used the excuse that he wasn’t over his ex. In case you’re wondering.

Roommate: UGH, SUCH A TYPICAL EXCUSE.

Me: It could’ve been just an excuse. Maybe he Just Wasn’t That Into my co-worker.

Roommate: I don’t care.

Me: You don’t?

Roommate: Nah. It’s spring. I don’t need anything serious anyway.

Me: Okay. Enjoy. If he asks you to take a walk in the park…

Roommate: Got it. I say, “No thanks, I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WALKS IN THE PARK.”

Me: Exactly.

Roommate: Well, at least now I’m prepared.

Me: Live long and prosper.

Roommate: Will do.