“Well, just think of it like this, dad! A hundred years ago, we would probably have had to shoot you to put you out of your misery!”

My dad was totally into this idea and kept saying YEAH, you know, I WOULDA ASKED YOU TO DO DAT. DA PAIN WAS SO BAD.

But PCG sort of elbowed me and hissed, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! to which I didn’t really have an answer because dude, I’ve been trying to figure that out for years.

Miraculously, my father is already up and walking around with the help of his walker and padded hospital socks. He showed PCG and I how he could leisurely stroll from his hospital room to the nurse’s station. It was pretty much the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, especially because his hospital gown barely covers his rear and also because he waves to the nurses as he goes down the corridor. He was all HEY EVERYONE! DIS IS MY DAWTA LAWRA!

I’d never been so proud.

I felt like screaming back, DIS IS MY DAD! LOOK AT HIM GO!!!!!!!

My dad is doing so well that he is coming home today, the day of my parents’ 32nd wedding anniversary.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM! YOU GET AN INVALID HUSBAND AT HOME! CHEERS!

My father was originally going to be transferred to a rehab facility but he’s recovering so well from surgery that they decided he could go home and have a physical therapist come to the house instead. My dad was extremely happy about this and kept bragging about how amazing his recovery is going. I told PCG I couldn’t believe he was walking, putting weight on his hip and leg ONE DAY after surgery.

PCG was all, Uh, do you KNOW your dad? This doesn’t surprise me AT ALL.

It’s true. My dad is pretty much the most stubborn person I’ve ever known, obsessed with HIS WAY and WORK and blah blah. He was in the middle of teaching two classes at a local college when he fell this past weekend so my mom offered to call the school to tell them they’d have to find someone to cover for him.

Apparently, ridiculously high on morphine, my dad had replied, “DON’T CANCEL MY CLASSES! HOW ABOUT MONDAY? JUST CANCEL MONDAY AND WE’LL SEE HOW IT GOES!!!”

We’ll see how it goes?

WHAT THE STUBBORN MULE IS GOING ON HERE!?

You fractured your hip, crazyface. A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE PLEASE.

So, no more teaching.

And maybe no more stairs for a little while.

But he gets to go home.

And wear underpants.

So I’m guessing he’s pretty excited.

I probably should’ve just said WAY TO GO DAD instead of A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, I WOULD’VE SHOT YOU TO PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY but you know, I’ve never claimed to be an expert at saying the right thing. And I would’ve shot him, I would’ve. That’s just the kind of dawta I am.