Call me slow but I just figured out how to properly deseed and ingest a pomegranate. Well, I already knew how to do all both of these things so let me clarify: I just figured out how to properly deseed and ingest a pomegranate without squirting red juice all over my computer monitor and staining half my wardrobe.

SUCCESS!

I read step-by-step instructions here. This lead me to wonder in that super corny GEE GOLLY WHIZ! kind of way, WHAT ON EARTH WOULD I HAVE DONE WITHOUT THE INTERNET?

I guess the answer is that I would’ve asked a human. But no humans around me at my desk seemed to know and I doubt they would’ve been able to provide me with step-by-step PICTURES and links to recipes you can make with pomegranate seeds! THE MORE YOU KNOW! Plus, humans scare me. The internet is much, much safer.

I love popping pomegranate seeds into my mouth so much that I’m thinking they would make an excellent substitution for popcorn at the movies. I could PROPERLY DESEED ONE and then put the kernels into a baggie or a piece of tupperware and sneak it into the cineplex like I do other things. And I’m excited because pomegranate seeds are much, much easier to sneak in than a Subway sandwich, a pint of vegetable lo mein and a tub of soy mint chocolate chip ice cream, all of which I have successfully and surreptitiously passed under the acne-ridden noses of Regal Cinemas employees at some point in time.

Then again, considering the movies I’ve seen lately (Paranormal Activity, The Road, Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire), the pomegranate seeds would probably go to waste in my lap while I rocked back and forth moaning with my eyes closed. THEN AGAIN, PCG has promised to take me to see The Fantastic Mr. Fox very soon and he mentioned that if I reacted the way I did during Paranormal Activity, he is never taking me to see a movie in a movie theater again because it’s a CARTOON FOX voiced by GEORGE CLOONEY and it’s rated PG! and if I can’t handle that, I should probably be locked indoors for the rest of my days.

Which wouldn’t be a bad idea, if you think about it. Then I can just spend the rest of my life Googling how to properly cut up certain fruits and how to stop my mind from replaying images of emotionally disturbing cinematic experiences. Either way, I WIN.

photo by territu.