I am not leaf watching yet.

Rather, I am currently map-of-the-leaves-on-the-Internet watching.

Every day, I click a link to get to this picture. And sometimes when I’m bored, I just stay on the site and REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH.

This is Maine, y’all.

As you can see, the leaves are turning.

My first concern, when I stumbled onto this map a few weeks ago, was that we were going to miss peak foliage completely. I sent manic texts to PCG on the regular.

Me: IT SAYS LOW BUT I THINK IT COULD CHANGE AT ANY TIME.

PCG: Dude, do you do any work at your job?

Me: I AM SERIOUS. WHAT IF WE MISS THE LEAVES?

PCG: We are not going to miss the leaves.

Me: BUT WHAT IF WE DO?

PCG: Are you telling me someone is actually PAYING you by the hour right now?

Etc. Etc. Etc.

My concern now (because I always need a concern, let’s be honest) is that the leaves aren’t going to turn FAST ENOUGH. As you can see, thanks to the above map (envision me with a pointer standing in front of a lecture hall, directing your attention to an enlarged version of Maine projected on a screen), the lower parts of Maine are currently at “moderate” which I thought was okay until I realized we are leaving TOMORROW EVENING and moderate JUST ISN’T GOING TO CUT IT. I need HIGH, I need PEAK and now I’m afraid I’m going to be sitting in Portland being all “Well, I’m so glad we traveled all this way to look at these moderately colored leaves.”

I believe that all will be well, in any event. Really, if the leaves are MODERATE, we can just hop in the rental car and drive until they are…not so moderate. Until they are VIBRANT AND A RAINBOW OF AUTUMNAL COLORS.

Right now, I do want to see me some changing leaves. But the reality is that I can see them down here, where I live, imagine that. So I’m choosing not to be stressed about the fact that Kennebunkport is only showing MODERATE FOLIAGE at this point in time. I mostly want to just be on vacation, sleeping in late, hiking a bit, finding a cup of cider, a bowl of chowder, etc.

We don’t really have any specific plans with the exception of dinner reservations on Friday night and PCG’s request that we please see a covered bridge. (What? Who is this person I am dating!?) Thanks to Google, I have located all eight covered bridges in Maine and have made a list of which ones are closest to us. I hope he is not disappointed.

I packed last night, attempting to see just how many shoes I could fit in my carry-on. The temperature looks COLD, man, with highs barely in the 50′s, lows in the 30′s which, let me tell you, IS NOT THE CURRENT WEATHER IN NYC. AT ALL. So I am going to suck it up and pack a coat. And a scarf. And maybe a snowsuit.

JUST KIDDING.

SORT OF.

I still have twenty-four hours to go before I peace out which means twenty-four glorious more hours to click the map of Maine and REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH and text PCG all about it until he gets fed up with me and takes that trip without me which would make my mom super happy considering this past weekend she pointed out the fact that my boyfriend and I are going away together without being married which = mortal sin which means I probably won’t get into heaven which bums her out a lot more than it does me. I think this is because heaven is not really a tangible thing I can grasp right now whereas sipping cider in October with my boyfriend IS tangible and frankly, I would rather have that.

Which makes me a really terrible Catholic.

PCG and I told her that our hotel room actually contains bunkbeds. (It doesn’t. Wait. DOES IT!?) As soon as we uttered the words, my dad wanted to know if I was bringing my chastity belt. I asked him how on earth I was going to fit THAT in my carry-on considering how many shoes I like to pack and BESIDES, I don’t have to bring my chastity belt because he never threw me a purity ball.

See? If you threw me a crazy party at thirteen, then maybe we could talk about getting married first.

But since all I got on my thirteenth birthday was a pair of roller blades and a AA bra, I’m thinking living and vacationing in sin is a more appealing option.

Anybody?

Nobody.

ARE THOSE LEAVES MORE THAN MODERATE YET?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!