The topic for my philosophy class this semester is devotion. What does it mean to be devoted to something? How do we feel when we are devoted? What are we devoted to?

I’m still mulling over these questions, particularly the last one. I suppose the obvious one is to say your family and friends. Your children. Your career. Perhaps your religion. Initially, I was all, I AM DEVOTED TO EATING TONS OF ARTICHOKES. But then I realized that PROBABLY wasn’t what what we were talking about. We were talking about devotion on a larger scale.

But still.

Being devoted to artichokes means eating them whenever I can and savoring their delicious taste and dreaming about when I can next ingest some more.

When I am devoted to artichokes, I feel SATISFIED AND FULFILLED, JOYFUL AND CONTENT.

I am devoted to artichokes.

Aaaaaaaaaand scene.

Obsession with vegetables aside, it took me awhile to come up with an answer. Devoted to family and friends? Well, yes. Aren’t we all? But what else was I devoted to? How did it make me feel when I was 100% fully and committed to my devotion? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

I have no idea.

I came to the conclusion that I am devoted to learning. Devoted to always wanting to know more, research, find out, discover. I am devoted to becoming a better person, friend, individual. Someone who is aware of her buttons; who’s trying hard to recognize them and let them go.

SPEAKING OF WHICH…

I had to volunteer for my CSA last week. (I need to do it one more time since I owe one shift for my veggies, one shift for my fruit, MY GOODNESS THEY ARE SO DEMANDING.) It was simple enough, really. I had to show up from 5-8, check people’s names off a list, help reorganize and shift the produce as people came and collected it, break down boxes, sweep the floor, etc. Easy peasy.

Until, shortly into the shift, I realized that the other two girls I was volunteering with weren’t helping. And I felt my button get pushed. My self-righteous, IT IS MY JOB TO SET YOU ON YOUR PATH TO THE LORD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, ridiculous uppity attitude. I felt it click in my chest. And THEN! THEN!!!!!!! I remembered philosophy. And I remembered our discussion of devotion and service. And I remembered this very important phrase:

The work is more important than my feelings about it.

And I had my Ah HA! moment. It did not matter that I felt I was pulling all the weight. It did not matter that I was the one who was breaking down the most boxes and refilling the nectarine supply. I was there to devote my time and energy to serving. Serving others. Not myself. If I was Woman In Charge of volunteers, maybe it would’ve been my job to ask the ladies for more help. But you know what? I was not the woman in charge.

So this is what I did.

1. I came into the present. I took a deep breath. I felt my feet on the floor. I connected to my senses.

2. I let it go.

3. I served happily for the rest of the evening.

I played with a little baby in a stroller, I stacked empty crates in a corner, I swept up stray lettuce leaves, I smiled and I served.

And when 8:00 came, the most remarkable thing happened: I immediately forgot that I had ever felt angry in the first place. I walked home from my shift (with extra veggies in my bag to boot!) feeling incredibly free and light-hearted, having devoted my time to helping others.

One could argue that there is a “better” and more effective way to go about serving. I think about the time I used to spend in a Greenwich Village nursing home or down in the Lower East Side projects with low-income children. Sure, maybe that donation of time and service has more of an impact. Maybe. But one could also argue that it is in the service of the people around us every day that matters just as much, if not more.

For me, it means devoting my time to helping others willingly and without attitude. I’ve found that in serving others—using the grocery clerk’s first name, holding the door, helping someone with a stroller up the subway stairs—that I am served as well. This is how I am fed. (Figuratively and literally because HELLO! Extra veggies!)

So, my friends. What are you devoted to? How do you feel when you are in a state of devotion? What are the effects this has on your day? On the people around you? I’m curious. For me, devoting myself to service was incredibly rewarding, even if it was just putting on a smile and telling my inner self-righteous jerk to SHUT UP.

I am devoted to learning.

And to helping others.

Also, artichokes.