Recent Conversations Surrounding Birthday Celebrations
I was babysitting the twins Friday during the day and unexpectedly into the evening, which wasn’t the original plan, but their mom got stuck in an airport due to a delayed flight home. Since my roommmate’s birthday party was later that night, I got ready to go out at the twins’ house.
River: I LIKE YOUR SHIRT LAURA.
Me: Thanks, River! I’m going to my roommate’s birthday party!
River: (thoughtfully) Is pizza going to be there?
Me: Um. I don’t think so, no.
River: (nodding) Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Is the party at a nightclub?
Me: I…what?
River: A nightclub? With dancing?
Me: How do you know what a nightclub is?
River: I saw it on the computer.
Me: Oh. Wow. Yes, I am going to a nightclub to dance.
River: I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO A NIGHTCLUB TO DANCE TOO. I WOULD LIKE PIZZA ALSO.
Me: The pizza I can do. The nightclub? You might have to wait until your six to do that.
…
The Roommate and I hurried down the street in the rain, attempting to find the location of our friend Erica’s birthday party. It was originally supposed to be held on the rooftop of a bar but due to the weather, we figured that wasn’t happening. After searching the entire lower level which was full of men wearing jerseys and screaming for some sporting event, we decided to ask the bouncer.
Us: Hey, how do we get to the roof?
*blank stare*
Bouncer: (gesturing outside to the rain) Uh. It’s closed.
Us: Right. We thought so. But our friend is having a birthday party here. Where is she?
Bouncer: What’s the name?
Us: Erica.
Bouncer: It’s $40.
Us: What? What is $40? Is she even here?
*blank stare*
Bouncer: Yeah, yeah, she’s upstairs.
And with that, he turned away as if this conversation made 100% perfect sense.
Just to clarify:
1. The rooftop is closed.
2. Something is $40.
3. Erica is here, upstairs.
!?????????????????????????
…
On Friday, the twins and I had the best time ever opening all the gifts from their birthday party and playing with them. I taught them Monopoly Junior, how to stand on a skate board without crashing into the television and how to perfect the art of drawing people with various facial expressions thanks to this AWESOME stencil kit they received from some kid named Zachary. THANKS ZACHARY.
Owen: I AM MAKING A MAN WHO IS NOT THAT TALL.
Me: Excellent. My man is going to be short too. And I’m going to stencil a top hat on him.
At this point, I glance over to River’s picture and notice that he has drawn two circles on the chest area of his stick figure.
Me: River…? What are those circles?
River: Oh! I’m drawing a girl.
Me: I see…but…what are those?
I asked this 100% knowing that he had drawn breasts on his picture but couldn’t stop myself because I wasn’t sure if he knew the word for them. Sure enough…
River: (shrugging) Oh, you know, those things that girls have.
And I decided in that moment that I would from now on refer to boobs as “these things that girls have”. Because COME ON, that is SO GENIUS.
I’M LAURA. SADLY, AS FAR AS SIZE GOES, I HAVE PRETTY SMALL THINGS THAT GIRLS HAVE.
I ONCE HAD A MOLE REMOVED FROM ONE OF MY THINGS THAT GIRLS HAVE.
BOYS SOMETIMES DON’T MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO LOOK AT THOSE THINGS THAT GIRLS HAVE.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s all I got for this Monday morning.
OVER AND OUT.
Just a reminder: There was a time when you didn’t want to discuss, “those things that girls have”.
Over and out.
Your Mom
BECAUSE PUBERTY IS ANNOYING OMG MOM STOP TRYING TO HAVE THE “OUR BODIES, OURSELVES” TALK WITH ME LA LA LA I CANNOT HEAR YOU.
See? I bet you long for those days, the days before I posted all about these things that girls have on the internet.
So did you pay the $40 and go in?
And also, I think the twins are on to an awesome idea here. Serving pizza at nightclubs. I know I’d like to eat pizza and also dance.
Dude didn’t even MAKE us pay $40! I have NO IDEA why he said that! He just gestured toward the stairs and was like “She’s up there.”
!?!? YES! Pizza would’ve been AWESOME. We were out dancing late and I got SO SO HUNGRY so we came home and had tofu hot dogs. Though pizza woulda been SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER.
Once again, everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten.
Oh, and I’m glad you agreed. Wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy hormones making me want pizza or the fact that it would really be good.
I have to get something off my chest, here! What is with this idea that bigger things that girls have are better things that girls have? I don’t get it. This idea has led to the travesty of girls, beautiful girls, sticking bags of silicone under their skin so they can have bigger things that girls have, destroying their natural beauty in the process.
I am a fan of feminine beauty, the female figure and female nakedness. I have heard that I am not alone. There are these two internet models that were paragons of natural beauty. And they looked great naked! They have both relatively recently decided to get bags of silicone stuck under their skin. How they or anyone could look at their bodies of naked perfection and think they needed improvement is utterly beyond me. How they could think that inflating their what girls have is an improvement is also beyond me. They were gorgeous already!
Here are a few bikini pics of the girls in question, prior to the tragedy of their decision to inflate their what girls have:
Zsanett Egerhazi
Zsanett Egerhazi
Susana Spears
Susana Spears
They used to be prime examples of the perfect female figure. Now they are not. I’d post pictures of them post surgery, but I can’t see through the tears.
Don’t question it, Abbie. Just eat the pizza. Also, I have not yet said this – CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LITTLE BUTTER BEAN IN YOUR TUMMY OMFG!!!!!!!
I post pics of an eastern European nude model, slathered in oil, posing as a black leather bikini-clad Wild West gunslinger, and Laura doesn’t even bat an eye. That’s classic.
Tim – Why would I? Your pictures are awesome.
Yes. Yes, they are!