Because I’m Gullible
While in PCG’s neighborhood, I decided to pop into an Indian salon to see if I could get my eyebrows threaded.
“SURE SURE!” she said, ushering me inside.
I’m fine walking around without make up, okay with going out in public not having showered. But I’ve found in all my years of living as an adult woman that nothing makes me feel uglier than messy eyebrows. They shape your face, they frame your eyes, the only thing you really need to be beautiful is to keep those suckers neat and tidy. TAKE A LESSON FROM ME, PEOPLE.
Mine were getting out of control due to sheer laziness and oh, you know, not having a job and stuff. But it costs $5 in PCG’s ‘hood and how can you go wrong with that!?!? So I walked in, sat down, closed my eyes and she went to town.
And then as I got up to go, thinking I was all done, she pointed to my upper lip.
“You do this?” she asked me, not really phrasing it as a question.
“Not usually,” I said. I’m a blonde and so my facial hair (can I even call it that?) is blonde and I’ve never noticed a visible mustache. But then I started to get worried.
“WHY? SHOULD I?!” I blurted out.
“Yes, yes, yes!” she nodded vigorously.
And that is how I found myself with hot wax all over my mouth with an Indian woman towering over me, ripping it off, piece by piece as I tried to yelp silently.
“BETTER!” she exclaimed as I gingerly touched my skin. OW. And yet, not as bad as the bikini area. NOT A PROBLEM. I AM FREE TO GO.
“WAIT WAIT!” she stopped me, pushing my shoulders back into the chair.
“What?!”
She pointed to my chin.
“YOU DO THIS?!”
“My chin?!” I gasped. “What? I’m a blonde! And last time I checked, I don’t regularly grow a goatee! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CHIN? OH MY GOD, DO I HAVE A BEARD?!!?!?!?!? DO I NEED TO REGULARLY WAX MY CHIN!??”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she nodded gravely. “MUST DO THIS.”
And there I sat, as an Indian woman painted my chin with hot wax and ripped it off with all her might. I sat there feeling like a total idiot. This whole time, I had been walking around with chin hair, probably long enough to braid and NO ONE HAD EVER TOLD ME.
“SO MUCH BETTER!” she declared, handing me a hand mirror.
I shelled out $15, tipped her another $5 for saving my life and glumly walked to meet PCG at a coffee shop.
“TOUCH MY FACE,” I commanded.
“I…okay?” he offered, pressing a finger to my chin.
“FEEL THAT?”
“Uh…no?”
“THAT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE A HAIRLESS CHIN.”
“Laura, you’ve always had a hairless chin.”
“NO. APPARENTLY NOT. APPARENTLY, I HAVE BEEN WALKING AROUND LIKE THE BEARDED LADY AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME.”
“LAURA! Did it ever occur to you that that woman MADE THAT UP to get more money out of you?”
“I…no.”
“Because that’s what she did.”
“She did?”
It was only in that moment that I realized I’d probably been conned into ponying up way more money than was necessary. I didn’t have chin hair! I didn’t have hair on my face! WHY THE HELL DID I JUST LET HER DO THAT?! Because it’s a recession. And she probably needed the extra bucks. And I freaking fell for it. Because I’m a moron.
“Uh. Yeah. Laura, you DO NOT HAVE FACIAL HAIR.”
“Oh. I tipped her five dollars for helping a sister out.”
“You are such a sucker.”
“I know. Should I go back and ask her to wax my forehead?”
“Now you’re just being an asshole.”
“At least I’m an asshole with a hairless chin.”
“LAURA.”
And that’s when PCG attempted to rip all the hair out of his head because that’s how frustrating it is to deal with me on a daily basis except it didn’t work because he’s already bald.
I wonder if he’s bald because his hair fell out over the years or because he once maybe went to that Indian woman’s salon for a back wax or something and she pointed to his scalp and was all YOU DO THIS? and he fell for it too.
Just a thought. Just wondering. That’s all.
Ahahahaha!!!! I never got into the waxing thing, tweezers work just fine
This is a good experience for you, because the world is full of scam artists. Generally, the more friendly and outgoing people who want your money are, the more wary you ought to be. Kind of perverse, eh? Be glad the price of this education was only fifteen bucks. That’s dirt cheap. I’m reminded of the mole removal, though.
On another note, I love a good set of eyebrows and hate it when women over-pluck them. Sure, if you’ve got a uni-brow going on, pluck away, but so many women get carried away with “tidying up” their eyebrows. Let those babies grow! I can never understand why some women get offended when I compliment their eyebrows with a heartfelt “Nice rack!”
Women. I’ll never figure them out.
Even better than this post — and that’s saying a lot — is the category it’s in.
Wait a minute, Laura has a whole section of her blog devoted to stupid stuff she’s done? I’m so there.
Hahaha, funny. Except if you really do have facial hair… um, not that I know this personally… the only thing that REALLY helps is electrolysis. I’m just saying. I mean, that’s what I heard.
At least you walked away with your ass-hair intact. That could’ve been a disaster.
Seriously, I feel you on the eyebrow issue. I always feel so ugly when they are not up to snuff, and beautiful right after they have been done. But I had to stop going to this one local place here because the Asian ladies would NOT lay off about the upper lip wax. I am blonde as well, and never had a complex about that until they REPEATEDLY insisted that I needed it waxed. Now I just get mad when I walk by there…
Okay, it’s my fault Laura is obsessed about eyebrows. I never taught her to trim them…now she is doing triage!
You are sooo funny! I have to admit I have noticed your eyebrows in some of your pictures and with jealousy! Yours are beautiful and mine are well….lame. I think we have all fallen into the gulliblity trap one time or another. I definately would not go back there though. (I used to have a boss that would make fun of me because I would often check that my eyebrows were behaving ; 0 )
Yes, Deanna, it could’ve been so much worse. SO MUCH WORSE.
Though my roommate gave me the whole OMFG IT’S GONNA GROW BACK DOUBLE IN STRENGTH.
…
Myth? We’ll see.
And yes, I shall blame this on my mom. She never did teach me to tame my brows; my friend had to show me in high school during a play. She started tweezing at intermission so by Act 2, I had one perfectly groomed brow, one unruly one. She finished after the show and I got approximately 10,000 compliments at high school the next day. I have since succumbed to paying someone else to do it because frankly, tweezing my own brows takes up an annoying amount of time. I BLAME MY MOM. THE END.
Jo - THANK YOU! I blame my dad for the fact that when they aren’t groomed, they are an unholy MESS, so thick and awful. However, the arches are LOVELY.
last year i was given a gift card for a massage at Reebok Sports Club, which has been sitting in my desk drawer for . . . well . . . over a year.
really feeling the need for a massage lately, i finally called Reebok to make an appointment. turns out that the gift giver was extremely generous, because even after booking a 90 minute session, there were still about 40 bucks left.
what to do, what to do?
OH, I KNOW. I’LL GET MY BACK WAXED.
because my S.O. has mentioned that I should, more than a few times. and i guess i have to admit, as middle-age has settled in, the fallow field of my back has sprouted (though not nearly as bad as my father, though, who is a virtual chia pet there, and everywhere else except the top of his head, much to his chagrin).
“So how much does that cost?” I asked the Reebok person.
“80 dollars,” she said.
“Cool, let’s do it,” I said. The next 10 minutes were spent discussing whether it would be better to get the massage before or after the waxing; your advice on said sequencing of events would be greatly appreciated.
anyway, point is that NOW I OWE REEBOK FORTY DOLLARS!!
i played right into the whole gift-card scam, perfect mark that i am. so don’t feel bad. we’re all suckers.
btw, upon announcing to my s.o. that i made the back-waxing appointment, to which i thought she would respond gleefully, she just said . . . “better take some advil before you go!!”
can’t wait.
ciao,
bubba
Aw, my Jennifer “good set of eyebrows” Connelly pic isn’t working. Photobucket to the rescue! Now that’s a nice pair.
All
If anyone found the vivacious blond admin who used to work for the OCE group,
the one with the unusual facial hair,please let me know. The owner has been identified.Thank you
Regards,
Tiffany
OMG that sounds so much like something I would do! I never have any clue so I just trust them.
If it makes you feel any better, your experience gave me, and I’m sure lot more people, a giggle for the rest of the day