Lazy Summer Days
The best thing by far about not having a job is not having a job.
For example, today I went to Target at 12:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.
Just because I could.
Well. Not really.
Because I needed things. Like Gladware. And soup.
The point is—it was the MIDDLE OF A WEEKDAY and I just got up and got in the car and WENT. And it was glorious. So glorious that I bought Gladware and soup and two new sports bras and some hangers and WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT LOSING MY JOB AND NOT HAVING ANY MONEY? I CANNOT HEAR YOU.
Also, who are all these OTHER people in Target at 12 pm on a Tuesday? Why don’t THEY have jobs? How can I become one of them permanently? HOW? (MARRY RICH. THAT’S HOW. Except then, why on earth would I be in Target? Wouldn’t I be someplace a bit upper class? Like…Linens & Things?)
Now, to be honest. I do have a job. A very serious job. It entails following two twin boys around all day and it is quite frankly the best job in the history of the universe minus the part where OWEN HIT ME and RIVER IS BEING UNFORGIVABLE and OWEN DESTROYED MY PAINTING OF A DINOSAUR FARM.
Right. That.
But those things aside, those kids are hilariously awesome cool brilliant and I can’t believe I’ve been sitting in a cubicle in an office building working on Excel spreadsheets while people were OUTSIDE in PARKS, jumping and climbing on rocks and sticking those little sticky leaf things on their noses, what the heck are they called?!
Who cares? Owen and I clearly enjoy them.
Life has changed dramatically in one short week. For example, I used to dress up every day, usually in black, usually in nice pants or a skirt and high heels and make up and stuff. Now, I show up in jeans. Or a sundress. Or when I get there, we play dress up and I find myself in this fantastic ensemble—a kick ass glittery silver headband and Princess Ariel clip on earrings. It’s like I’m some sort of sick amalgamation of the Disco Era and Severe Homosexuality.
Either way, it is freaking AWESOME. Also, according to that picture, I have a magical left hand. WHAT.
Anyway, the other day, Owen and River and I:
1. Went to Barnes and Noble to read stories. Their favorites being Where The Wild Things Are, Miss Nelson is Missing and a bunch of Disney princess books that SUCK ASS.
2. Went to the park to stick those sticky leaf things on our noses/play in the sand box/slide down the slide/collect leaves and sticks as part of a biology experiment, run through the sprinkler, rinse, repeat.
3. Went to Whole Foods for lunch. For them: pepperoni pizza. For me: avocado and cucumber sushi OMG!
4. Went home to color in our brand new Thomas the Tank Engine coloring books while listening to some acoustic guitar music on Pandora. Occasionally, we snacked on popcorn and oreos and refreshed ourselves with delicious beverages. For them: chocolate milk. For me: club soda with lime.
5. Spent the late afternoon swinging on the swings in the park as the breeze blew across the Hudson River. We imagined we were birds and dragonflies and elephants who could soar through the air.
And just when I thought things couldn’t get any better. both Owen and River, exhausted by a long weekend, TOOK A NAP. Which, I thought, they gave up YEARS AGO. But no! The nap had returned! Which meant a few blissful hours of peace, time that I spent picking up toys and cleaning dishes and then I sat on the couch and stroked their hair while they slept and sort of wished they’d wake up.
Because damnit.
I sort of missed them.
I don’t know if I’m more jealous of Owen and River for getting to spend such a delightful day with Laura, or if I’m more jealous of Laura for getting to spend such a delightful day with Owen and River. Those kids clearly know how to party.
Okay, this is just an idea, but… I think you’d make a great teacher. Think about it, you could even direct school plays!
Oh, and I bet there were a lot of teachers at Target on a Tuesday in August.
I’ll have what SHE’S having. Severe Homosexuality on the side, though, please — I’m dieting.
Oh come on, Julie. Homosexuality is slimming.
oh, that was just beautiful! and reminds me of why I am giving up oh so much to be home with my two, thank you Laura! Those two are just precious! Enjoy! (sorry about all the !, they just fit)
ps, not familiar with the leaf thingys…what kind are they? some weird NYC-fangled leaf?
I have no idea Jo! We have them on Long Island too. Someone else calls them “helicopter leaves” because if you toss them in the air, they spin around like the helicopter blades. Oh, I am so confused.
We have those helicopter leaf things too, but they aren’t sticky. Must be some weird NY thang.
I can’t wait to hear your posts at the end of the month after having to entertain the kids all day 6 days a week.
And, those Disney Princess books do suck serious ass.
OMG Miss Nelson is Missing…I always read that when I was little. I totally forgot the name until your post. It was one of those nagging things in the back of your mind where you can see the picture or page in your head but you can’t remember what it was called. Wow thank you.
That was one of my favorite reads along with The Polar Express.
Helicopter leaves? Are you referring to maple tree seeds?
Just a note to thank you all for participating in the Full Evacuation Drill. Well, actually, you were not identified and/or listed as “present” on the Full Evacuation Drill Attendance Sheet. Where were you?
Regards,
Tiffany
Deanna–
Those posts will consist of OMG I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN EVER AGAIN OMG OMG FURREAL.
Kyle–
I KNOW! Crazy, right? When I spotted it, I FREAKED OUT. The best part is about Detective McSmogg. The subtle dry humor was totally lost on me as a kid, I’m pretty sure.
Tim–
YES YES YES I AM REFERRING TO THAT.
JV–
DAMNIT. CITI FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE.
Maple tree seeds are amazing, evolutionarily speaking. Most trees just drop their seeds straight down, which is a slow method of covering ground for successive generations. Maple trees developed their twirling, flying, helicopter seeds, giving them the ability to cover more ground and conquer Canada. Canada has been under the yoke of arboreal oppression ever since.
ooohhh, those, that explains it, yes I have seen very few around these parts, in fact I was in my twenties before I saw my first one. I guess Maple tree don’t grow well in the south? The ones I did see were not sticky, perhaps it is a time of the year thing?
Wow, how did I miss out on the botanical education session? Yes, those are from maples. Jo, I believe they don’t grow well down south, since folks don’t make maple syrup way down south.
Don’t get me started on the evolutionary adaptations for seed dispersal. My favorites are the ones that burst open and expel seeds, like jewel weed, which also happens to be an antidote for poison ivy. Okay I need to go back to school now and share this knowledge with children. Seriously.
PS- what about your possible future career in teaching????