In honor of my last day of work, which is right now, today, this moment, in the year of our Lord, Jesus Christ, I decided to step it up. Since my previous post containing a Bohemian Rhapsody parody went over so well, I decided to remake THE ENTIRE SONG instead of just the end of it. (For those that don’t know the song, what the hell is wrong with you? And also, here is your easy reference guide.)

You’re welcome, enjoy.

Also, I am soon e-mailing my team to say goodbye and including the link to this blog. So HEY CITIGROUP! WHAT IS UP, MY NINJAS? Thanks for being awesome. Buy me a beer later. Or five.

Love,
Laura

(feel free to air guitar your way through the musical interludes for those of you playing along at home!)

CITIGROUP RHAPSODY to the tune of “Bohemian Rhapsody”
by Laura E Dlug, age 26

Is this my real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a temp job, no escape from reality
Open my eyes, look up Lexington Avenue and seeeeeeeeee,
I’m just a poor girl, I have no insurance!!
Because I’m easy come, easy go, commute from Queens, kinda slow
Anyway the train goes doesn’t really matter to me, to me

Mamaaaaaa, I got a job! I’m a temp at Citigroup
Morgan Stanley, Smith Barneyyyyyyyy
Mamaaaaaa, life had just begun
But then Wall Street exploded all over the PLAAAAAAAAACE
Mamaaaaaa, ooooo, I think I’m gonna cry
If I’m not back to work on time tomorrow
carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come
Been workin’ for The Man, where is my stimulus plan?
Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mamaaaaaa, oooooo, I don’t want to leave!
I sometimes wish I’d never had to work at all!

*air guitar solo!*

I see a little silhouette of a girl
LAURA D! LAURA D!, WILL YOU LOSE YOUR JOB AT CITI?
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Unemployed?!) UNEMPLOYED! (Unemployed!?!?) UNEMPLOYED, UNEMPLOYED, FIGARO!
Magnifico!

I’m just a temp girl, nobody loves me!
She’s just a temp girl, from a Polish family!
Spare her her life from this bank called Citi!

Easy come, easy go, are you gonna let me go!?
Bismillah! No, we don’t want to let you go!
(LET ME GO?) Bismillah! WE HAVE TO LET YOU GO!
(LET ME GO!!?) Bismillah! WE HAVE TO LET YOU GO!
(LET ME GO!?!??!!?) WE HAVE TO LET YOU GO!
(LET ME GO!!?!?) WE HAVE TO LET YOU GO! LET ME GO!?????1!!111!!????
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh Mama Rita! Mama Rita! Mama Rita, they let me go!
Vikram Pandit has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(This is the part where I jump on the desk and give everyone the finger)

So you think you can fire me and spit in my eye?!
So you think you can give me two weeks and leave me to die!?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Citi, can’t do this to me, Citi
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

(This is the finale where I walk sullenly back to my cubicle and slump down in my desk)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah ooooooooooooooooooo

Nothing really matters, all co-workers can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Anyway the train goes…

AND SCENE.