If I Could Get Serious For A Hot Second
My roommate sent me over a link to this articlein the NYTimes about relationships between gay men and straight men.
I found it really interesting, particularly this paragraph:
A more common source of friction, some gay men say, is the tendency of straight friends to see them only through the lens of sexual orientation. “I do have a lot of straight friends, but it’s harder to make real relationships with straight guys,” said Matthew Streib, 27, a gay journalist in Baltimore. “I feel like it’s always about my gayness for the first two months. First they have questions, then they make fun of it, then they start seeing me as a person.”
I wonder if I do this.
You know?
Do I see people through a gay lens?
And do I make fun of it and comment on it more than is necessary?
It’s not uncommon for me to occasionally reiterate how homosexual our apartment is when my roommate is blasting Celine Dion or showing me his new Burberry bathing suit. We joke about it a lot and I am guilty of making comments like OMG YOU ARE SO GAYYYY and I have to wonder if that’s really alright? And what exactly is the point of it?
To be fair, my gay friends are quick to make those exact observations about themselves sometimes.
So, is it them? Is it me?
I just don’t want to be that person that is constantly calling out HOW GAY everything is.
Because very rarely is anyone commenting on what a STRAIGHT GIRL I am.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE PAINTING YOUR NAILS! HOW STRAIGHT IS THAT!
So, I don’t know. I was just curious and thought it was worth examining my behavior. Do I make comments about homosexuality to my gay friends because I want to show them that I relate? Do I do it because I’m subconsciously uncomfortable? Do I do it because that’s just part of the dynamic of how we interact?
Hm. I am not sure. Obviously, we are more than our sexual orientation. But it would also be really weird to NOT comment on it at some point or at the very least, observe it, talk about it, etc. especially with my close friends. Their sexuality and dating life is part of who they are so that tends to come up in conversation no matter what.
But I think talking about dating is different than being all OMG ARE YOU LISTENING TO ‘BERNADETTE PETERS SINGS THE SONGS OF STEPHEN SONDHEIM’ *AGAIN*?!?
Just curious. Just wondering. That’s it.
Wait, really? Because I feel like the fact that we’re straight women is commented on pretty much incessantly. No? “You’re being such a GIRL today.” “So GIRLY!” “Just like a woman to be…”
No?
Not saying that’s OK either.
I think when you do it to your friends, it’s (probably?) coming from a good place. You’re trying to demonstrate that their sexuality isn’t something you want to ignore or minimize. But I can see how it can get to be too much with some people. Defffffinitely.
You are correct re: comments about being SUCH A GIRL.
My favorites include comments about “that time of the month” or “must be the hormones”. Consider that a button of mine being pushed, incessantly, ALL THE TIME. (WHAT? HORMONES? YOU WANT TO SEE HORMONES? RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I SHALL CUT YOU.)
I suppose I didn’t make the connection because no one says OH YOU ARE SO STRAIGHT and comments directly on the sexuality. But I do think gender comments are the exact same thing. AGREE AGREE.
72 cents on the dollar.
More than half of my friends are men and it seems like half of them are gay. They include firefighters, CEO’s, and techno-geeks who do really cool things in poor countries. Most of them tell me flat out that being gay doesn’t hurt them career wise as much as if they were women.
.72 - that’s all.
Well, glad you posted this. When I replied on your summer post I said that your roommate is cute, but my first thought was to say, “I know your roommate is gay, but he sure is cute”, and then I thought, no that makes me sound like a homophobic southerner, which I am not, so I changed it. Also being gay doesn’t make him less cute, he is cute no matter what his sexual orientation. I’m sure he just loves me using him as an example. I have pondered the gay directed comments before and I don’t know what to make of them either except maybe as the years go by and people except homosexuality as a more “normal and common” orientation the comments will become less?
okay, something else. I’m 41, a good friend is 55, her daughter is 23, maybe. My friend says that it drives her daughter crazy that the mom always tries to figure out “the masculine and the feminine” in gay couples. I, actually with that mom, heard David Sedaris speak about this also. Since then I have decided, that it is not my business, I mean really! (don’t you think such dissection could be done to hetro couples as well?!)
Actually as a straight dude who does musical theatre for a living I am always hearing the phrase “You’re so straight aren’t you”. Nothing wrong with it, but it does go both ways. And the quoted guy in the article just described all my dude friendships.
Step 1: We ask questions about each other.
Step 2: We make fun of each other (insert arm punching and fart jokes here)
Step 3: We start bonding and become true friends.
That’s how guys do it.
Good point, Samurai…Warrior…53…80?
…
I gotta get me one of those cool names.