Burp Castle Vol. 2
(Volume 1 is here.)
There are rules that come with dating, particularly when you live in a place like New York. Nobody wants to come off clingy or needy or desperate. You always want to seem like you have a lot going on, even if you don’t. Play it cool. Keep it breezy. Don’t return phone calls right away and DEFINITELY don’t ask for a second date while still out on the first.
Burp Castle disregarded all these rules. And perhaps I should’ve been turned off by this. Perhaps I should’ve headed home and called Alayna and been all, DUDE! HE IS A TOTAL STALKER CREEP. HE HAS NO GAME.
But…I didn’t.
“I don’t really see the point in playing games,” he said.
I agreed.
“And I leave Friday for a week-long vacation.”
Oh.
“So, do you want to hang out tomorrow?”
Um. Yes?
So we did.
…
And so Burp Castle and I began dating.
And oh! The fun I was having!
Burp Castle and I strolled for an hour through Central Park on one of the first warm spring days of the year. We finished our date up at an Italian restaurant and I almost peed my pants when he looked up from his menu and asked me, “Do you like artichokes?”
DO I LIKE ARTICHOKES?!
ARTICHOKES COULD BE THE WORLD’S MOST PERFECT FOOD! And every guy I’ve ever dated has found them completely vile! DO I LIKE ARTICHOKES?! OH GOD! DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK!? I envisioned the story I would tell our grandchildren. “Well, to sum it up, he had me at ‘artichokes’…”
We shared our first kiss in a subway station.
No, it wasn’t glamorous or anything but it was cute and the whole week he was gone, I could not shut up about him to anybody.
Me: SO THEN! BURP CASTLE AND I! WE ATE ARTICHOKES!
Alayna: Right. You told me that.
Me: RIGHT. BUT I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THE GRAVITY OF THAT MOMENT.
Alayna: Yes. Because you love artichokes. And so do I.
Me: YES. OKAY! SO WE ARE MEANT TO BE, AM I RIGHT?
Alayna: I’m thinking yeah.
After he returned from vacation, we resumed our dating activities. We spent eight straight hours together meandering around Manhattan on a rainy Saturday. We started off playing Scrabble at a bar and then went in search of an early dinner and then wandered into a teahouse for dessert and then stumbled into a pub for beers. He held my hand! He was the perfect height to loosely drape an arm around my shoulders while we walked! We got our tonguekissing ON.
Everything seemed to be going the way it was supposed to. We were having fun and our personalities really clicked. Yes, Burp Castle had some “This one time when I was in a frat…” stories and he was therefore very much into Judd Apatow films, okay, right. BUT! But also! Burp Castle was also really mellow and flexible, able to go along with just about anything. He was gentle and thoughtful, sweet and affectionate. He liked ARTICHOKES, people! He loved the ocean!
And so what if we didn’t talk about anything substantial? Like books or art or anything? So what if he lived in Jersey?! I LIKE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN TOO.
I was CASUALLY DATING! As in GOING ON DATES! Just like I said I was going to!!! YESSSS! AWESOME! SCORE!
Except, really?
I was not at all dating like I said I was going to.
I said I was going to take it slow so Burp Castle and I went on two dates in two nights. (?!)
I said I was going to try not to let it get “too relationshippy” too fast so while he was on vacation, Burp Castle and I e-mailed each other every single day. (!?! WHAT?!)
I said I was going to date more than one person and keep it open so I only made an effort with Burp Castle and effectively ignored every other “wink” or e-mail or option that came my way. (!@^!@#% IDIOT!!!!)
In my head, I was handling this AMAZINGLY WELL! but written out like that, I’m sure you can see, as I can now see, that I did everything I said I wasn’t going to do.
And I suppose that’d be fine if Burp Castle was The One and we Clicked and I was all I NEVER WANT TO BE AWAY FROM HIM EVER.
That feeling is a feeling I have waited a very long time to feel.
And I convinced myself, despite the nagging at the back of my brain, that I did feel that way. I put a lot on poor Burp Castle; I quickly latched onto the idea that someone was out there for me and he had appeared and I wouldn’t have to go on any terrible dates with serial killers ever again. MY SAVIOR!
I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to REALLY LIKE Burp Castle which wasn’t hard because Burp Castle is an extremely likeable person. He showers regularly and smells really, really good. He’s so easygoing that he can pretty much adapt to any situation! He also has eyes the color of the ocean and that would cause any girl to melt into a puddle of…something melted.
But when the moment of truth came, when, laying on our backs in Bryant Park, staring up at the darkening sky one late afternoon, he wanted to know how I felt about dating exclusively, I faltered.
I hesitated.
I stumbled.
I knew that something was off.
I just didn’t want it to be.
I didn’t want to entertain the idea that this wasn’t It. And that once again, like fucking ALWAYS, I would have to start over.
So, like a child, I dug my toes into the fresh spring grass, cuddled my face into Burp Castle’s shoulder and told him I’d think about it. And for a few more perfect hours, as the sun set beyond the tops of skyscrapers, I told myself that it was all okay and that we’d be fine and that this was enough.
Does his name have to be Burp Castle? That really bothers me.
Tongue-kissing. Finally. I gotta say, the Great Laura Dlug NYC Tongue-Kissing Rampage(tm) has been rather pathetic thus far.
As for artichokes, I thought everyone loved artichokes. I don’t know where you find these guys that all think artichokes are vile. I thought Brussels sprouts owned the “virtually universally despised” category. What’s not to love about artichokes? I put artichokes on my pizza in Sicily. Artichokes and eggplant. God, I miss Sicily.
Oh, yes. I agree with Tim. I’ve been waiting months to hear about tongue-kissing!
OKAY YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO CALM DOWN. I am tonguekissing as fast as I possibly can over here.
And yeah, Tim, Italy is amazing. SIGH.
Abbie, he does have a really nice normal name but I just went with Burp Castle because…it’s funny. And also? Burp Castle, the bar he took me to on our first date? INCREDIBLY AWESOME.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But I’m an old married lady who has to live vicariously through your tongue-kissing. And I don’t want to imagine you tongue-kissing Burp Castle. For obvious reasons.
Hello there! I think I’ve commented over here before, maybe, but I came over from Your Ill-Fitting Overcoat.
Not that you were necessarily soliciting opinions, particularly from folks you don’t really know, but the whole The-Rules-Of-Just-How-Into-You-He’s-Not thing? Yeah, I’m not with it. I suppose it depends on your intentions, and it sounds like you are in a different place than I am, maybe. But still. For myself, I do *nothing* casually — I am intense and passionate about my work, my politics (connected), and anyone I call a friend I would take a bullet for. So why front like romance is something inconsequential? I don’t really get it, and I’m awful at fronting anyway. And, lately, I’ve found nothing short of bliss just being honest with a man who is straight with me.
Of course, it is clear this guy isn’t who you want. And you can’t try to make him fit without beginning to resent every inconsequential thing about him
Just my irrelevant and unsolicited $.02.
love grows……
Abby - If it helps? Burp Castle is super hot. Like, seriously damn good looking. You can replace “Burp Castle” with any celebrity of your choice. I am telling you, green eyes to die for.
M - You bring up valid points here. I am a pretty passionate person about most things as well. I guess the challenge I’m having with it is that I’m way passionate about a person at the beginning and then…I get disappointed. Something is off or something isn’t quite right or whatever and I feel like I would’ve noticed it had I been more cautious at the beginning.
I’ve rushed into things because I was more excited about the idea than the person. I also sometimes struggle with getting physical too fast so then I have some issues where I confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. And then when I feel that emotional disconnect, I’m all, WHY DO I FEEL SO EMPTYYYYYYYY? WHY DID I SHOW YOU MY BOOOOBS?!
I definitely don’t agree you should play the game to play the game. And I have friends that do just that. “I can’t call her because it’s only been a day since I saw her and that’s not cool.” That to me is ridiculous. So, I really respected Burp Castle’s honesty. And mine too. I haven’t always been so straight up with how I’m feeling and as the rest of the story will relate at some point, I was much better this time around articulating how I felt about the situation. Your $.02 are always welcome! SUCH GOOD POINTS.
Jo - Ack. Your comment has me nauseated because now I’m second-guessing EVERYTHING. I suppose I’m having a very difficult time giving men a chance, having fun and recognizing when it’s time to go. I wonder if I’m sometimes cutting things short because I feel that THEY are really into it? And I’m only moderately into it? So I’m all, I SHOULD BAIL BEFORE THEY GET TOO HURT! But this sucks a lot and doesn’t give me enough time to make up MY mind. It’s something I will bring up in the conclusion to this post. I definitely think it’s applicable to this situation.
While I do think love grows, I think I needed more at the beginning than I had with Burp Castle. I don’t expect to fall in love on a first date but I do want to find myself thinking about them a lot, anticipating the next time I see them, continually finding them awesome and intriguing and challenging. Unfortunately this time, that started to fade very early on and that was my cue to go. To be honest, I’m still not sure that it was the right decision. Maybe I bailed prematurely?
Paying attention to red flags from the beginning is important, no doubt. And if you really feel like you are more caught up in the idea of romance than the possibility of working towards a truly loving relationship with a specific individual — with all of the sorrow, tears, and blood that involves — than maybe you should follow my homegirl Lady J.’s advice and sit down and make a list of all of the qualities you find *truly* essential. Of course, you may just not be wanting a serious relationship, in which case that advice is useless, and you should just do whatever. But, for me, it was the best advice ever. Because once you’ve broken that down, you recognize what will and will not work pretty quickly, and you don’t have to put yourself through all of this.
I talk about it a bunch on my blog.
As for the physical intimacy, I feel you. But I’ve come to realize, it can never been a tool, it should only be an expression of feelings that are already there.
Of course, I realize I sound old-fashioned and hopelessly out of step with the Twenty-Something blogoverse.
But there it is.
OOOOhhhh, I really didn’t mean to send you there!!!! Don’t second guess yourself, I am a believer in intuition. Your right, there has to be *something* there to even let it grow, you know a seed, a sprout…. sorry…..putting my past onto you…..
Jo! It is so okay! And I need that reminder. I think sometimes I cut it off prematurely!!