Upon arriving in D.C. on Friday morning, Alayna and I decided to go really crazy and have an out-of-control, hilarious, uplifting, relaxing time as soon as we possibly we could.

So, we headed straight to the Holocaust Museum.

I could attempt to write about my experience there, how I had a really hard time Keeping My Shit Together because, hi, uncomfortable subject matter. And how I did a really good job until I got to the hallway with all the shoes. And perhaps this could launch me into a diatribe about humanity and compassion and genocide and making the world a better place. I would probably start crying and you would start crying and we would hold hands and promise to teach our children to love each other.

Instead, I would like to give a shout out to the insensitive people I encountered inside the museum itself.

To the junior high couple making out under the video about Hitler’s Rise to Power: WAY TO BE, KIDS. WAY TO BE. I wonder if it was awkward for you guys when hundreds of people paused to stare at you while making their way through the museum, mouths agape. However, you were so intent on sticking your tongues down each other’s throats, I’m not sure you noticed. I did notice, though. And I think that it was tacky, inappropriate, rude and annoying. And if I’m acting like your mother, I don’t care, GOOD, AT LEAST SOMEONE IS.

To the woman in the elevator on the way up to the permanent exhibit: I really think you should learn the art of not voicing every thought in your head. As someone who talks quite a bit, I totally understand that you think everyone in the world needs to hear what you’re thinking. But I’m going to tell you right now that you’re wrong. There is such a thing as a filter and I think you should find a way to get one.

I don’t mean to sound catty. It’s just that the elevator was really crowded, right? Because the museum was trying to prove a point, you know? And we were jam-packed in an elevator on the way to the 4th floor for a three hour long exhibit about the Holocaust which I’m sure you knew SOMETHING about. Probably not a lot. But something, right? I mean it was pretty much the most horrible thing to happen to humanity ever so surely you learned about it in school?

And perhaps, if you were more self-aware, you would’ve noted the ambiance in the museum? The tone of respect and quiet and reverence? Because, I mean, it seemed like everyone else was taking that in except for you. And maybe I take for granted the fact that I have common sense? That when I enter a place entitled “The Holocaust Museum”, I understand the magnitude of the atrocities that occurred? And that I am about to walk through exhibits that are informative, yes, but are also overwhelming and horrifying and heartbreaking?

Right?

I just think maybe next time, should you ever choose to go back to such a place, which I hope to God you never will, you would do well to think about closing your mouth and remembering where you are. Because I have to say, as we stood almost on top of each other, packed into that elevator like we were riding a NYC subway car at rush hour, it was really really unnerving for you to remark outloud, at the top of your lungs:

“THERE’S BARELY ANY ROOM IN THIS ELEVATOR. IT’S SO CROWDED, I THINK I AM GOING TO RUN OUT OF AIR AND DIE.”

…

You can see why that’s insensitive? Right?

If not, keep thinking about it until you do. If necessary, you can ask someone else for help.

So, do us all a favor and please, please, please, please when you are out in public places, wear a muzzle.

This has been a public service announcement.