So, you guys.
It’s been awhile since I’ve dated. Not “awhile” as in “ten long celibate years” but definitely the majority of the second quarter of US Government Fiscal Year 2009. And let’s not lie: it’s not really about the number of months but about the state of mind and heart. There’s no timetable for Being Ready.
And so, I have taken stock of my very precious emotions and feelings. I have thought about what is a priority in my life right now. I thought about what steps I need to take to accomplish my goals for this year. I’ve thought about how I want to spend my time, energy and money. I’ve also thought about how much I like to tonguekiss all the boyz. And so, armed with this information, I have tentatively decided to stick my pinkie toe into the dating waters of New York City.
I KNOW, I KNOW. THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET CRAZY.
I am now 26. I believe that I am a year away from the age that the average American marries. I personally believe 27 is a nice age to get married but don’t really see that in my future and this is why: I did things backwards.
Instead of going crazy during college and dating tons of people OR moving to NYC after college and dating tons of people, I spent my late teens and early 20′s in three two-year relationships. And then another eight-month relationship. And then another almost year-long relationship.
And you guys? Maybe that is testament to the fact that I am a serial monogamist. I have to admit that I work well in relationships. I like security. I like stability. I like having that one person who knows you best in all the land.
However, maybe it is a testament to the fact that I like stability and security so much that I allow men to consume a lot of my time which, in turn, prevents me from taking care of Me. I realize that most girls (and guys?) date a TON of people in their youth and then as they get older, they start to look for something more sustainable. They get all the wild single stuff out of their system and then they turn their focus toward finding a person to settle down with.
Now, to be clear, I am always looking for a person I’d like to settle down with because let’s face it, I don’t date jerky people. I am far too good-looking to waste my hotness on an asshole. THE PROBLEM IS: While I have been very adroit at finding Suitable Long-Term Partners, I have not been so adroit at finding Suitable Long-Term Partners For Me. I date wonderful people who would make great mates…for someone else.
I believe this is because I have not met a sufficient variety of men. I believe this is because I never have gone out of my way to meet a man. They just seem to materialize in an organic way. A friend of a friend! Or a guy I did a show with! Or I dated him once before because hey, no one knows how to recycle ex-boyfriends quite like I do.
I was always content to go with it because WHO DOESN’T LIKE TO HAVE A CUTE BOY AROUND? Particularly when I didn’t have to search for them? They just APPEARED! LIKE MAGIC.
The issue was…it didn’t force me to be picky. I was lazy or I was blind-sided by really attractive chest muscles or whatever and I didn’t stop to think that “Hey. I’m not sure we are compatible, even though you are a really nice person.” I think perhaps had I just GONE ON DATES with several people, I would’ve kept my options open and possibly could’ve discerned more quickly who possessed the qualities I was looking for: the spark, the connection, the tendency to vote Democrat.
And so, Internet.
I am not ready to find my husband. There’s a lot of stress and pressure involved with that, a lot of me kvetching and wailing about my ovaries shriveling up like raisins. And I have to say, my list of Things To Accomplish In 2009 does not contain a “Find A Husband” bullet. Nor does it contain “Be A Huge Slut” bullet. I feel like that sort of thing does not really interest me and I have no desire to, like, sow my wild oats and crap. I know by now that that sort of stuff isn’t really my style.
So, what is there to do?
I am single. I have great ankles. Sometimes I am charming.
So, where does that leave me?!
As in, going on dates.
As in, keeping my options open.
As in, meeting new people with no pressure to be exclusive unless I feel like it.
As in, finding new bars and neighborhoods and things to do.
As in, not jumping so quickly from two dinner dates to Boyfriend-Girlfriend Status.
So, we’re clear about what I want, yes? To bring all the boyz to the yard?
How does one do that?
Considering I’ve never had to go out of my way to find a man, uh, I have never figured out how people do it.
As far as I can tell, there are several options:
1. Join an internet dating service.
B. E-mail everyone you know and say HI I AM LOOKING FOR BOYS TO DATE BUT NOT THAT SERIOUS BUT ALSO PLEASE DON’T LET THEM BE CRAZY, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE?
3c. Go out! Explore the city! Go to bars! Be flirty!
My therapist once suggested that all it took to get a date in this city is to smile at the guy in line at Starbucks. I will tell you why this suggestions sucks. Because that guy in line at the Starbucks is either 1) a disgusting sleazebag who hits on a girl at Starbucks or B) Married.
So! You guys! Suggestions for how to meet Not Crazy people?!
As much as the internet dating thing weirds me out a bit, I have to say that it would provide me with some prime blog material which I think I could use right now. I mean, sure there are normal people on dating websites but there are also crazy people and don’t I want to know what those e-mails might say? Don’t I want to make fun of them on the internet?
I think I do.
I would like a website that is fun and hip but 1) not too serious a la eharmony.com and 2) not too sleazy/only-for-people-looking-for-a-hookup a la Craigslist.
I’m off in search of men, my friends. I am not ashamed. I am excited. I will hold myself to some standards. Standards like, you cannot be from Staten Island and also, you must know the difference between their and they’re.
Other than that, anyone is fair game.
Bring it on, dudes.
I AM READY.