The lovely Abbie tagged me for a little “About Me” thing which I believe you young kids call “MeMe’s”. I was recently told that it is pronounced “Mee-Mee” because it is all about ME. That’s awesome because I never knew that, assuming it was pronounced “mem” because I am a dork and because other people always fail to type it out like “MeMe” and instead type “Meme”. SO WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK?

I get it. I’m out of touch with the times. MeMe’s and Facebook (which, I am still not on, I KNOW I KNOW EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO KEEPS ASKING ME. ISN’T THIS BLOG ENOUGH FOR YOU!?) and the iPhone and the Wii, I GET IT. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

That’s a lie. I’m about to do a MeMe. I know what Facebook is and what an iPhone is, I just don’t have any desire to participate in either one. And as far as the Wii goes, I played for the first time about two weeks ago when James’ roommate came home with one and James made me a Mii and it was a super cute blonde girl with a green hat. We played one round of bowling. I came in 2nd place.

HAPPY NOW?

And now, onto the MeMe/Meme/Thing Where I Write More About Myself Just In Case A Hundred Wasn’t Enough

1. I have all four of my wisdom teeth. In my mouth. Full grown. They are ENORMOUS and they hurt like a mofo when they came in. However, they don’t cause me any pain at all now that they are fully there. This is probably because when I got braces in 9th grade, the dentist pulled my four back molars to make room.

I have since heard that an orthodontist normally pulls the middle molars to make room, not the back ones. You’ll note I said that I did not use an orthodontist but a dentist. And that could be the reason for the error. We went with our family dentist because he knocked $2,000 off the price and my parents were really poor and my teeth were really bad.

This is also why I only wore my braces on the top teeth and not on the bottom. Luckily, my bottom teeth were/are relatively straight, just kinda crowded. I only wore braces for a year and a half; they came off a week after I played my final performance as Sandra Dee in “Grease”, the high school musical. A Sandra Dee with big hair and braces? OH MAN. THE SEXINESS OF IT ALL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

2. Whenever I take the stairs, I rearrange my footing so that my left foot always lands on the first step. This is so that my left foot can step on all the odd-numbered stairs and my right can step on all the evens. I have been doing this since I was four.

3. If I am visiting your house and taking a shower, I will probably use your shampoo/body wash/etc. even if I brought my own. This also holds true for anything new my roommate brings home. I will not use it regularly but will try it once unless it is something really gay-smelling or inappropriate for me like BRUNETTE-ENHANCING SHAMPOO or SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO RIP OUT YOUR CHEST HAIR.

4. I recently discovered some faint wrinkles along my forehead. It upset me a lot more than I ever thought it would.

5. In college, we had an audition class which revolved around how to audition: what to sing, what to wear, etc. Towards the end of the semester, the professor brought in some directors from regional theater so we could hold mock auditions and they could give us some feedback about what they saw. I sang two songs for a well-known director in the area and he told me that I possessed an “undoubtedly impish quality”.

Everyone else was kind of horrified by this but I secretly thought it was one of the most accurate assessments of myself that I had ever heard. Quirky, cute and oh-so-impish. Just…in a mischievous way, right? Not like in a I-am-the-daughter-of-Satan kind of way. RIGHT?

6. Until I went to college, I believed that:

a. Sex was only for marriage.
b. Drinking and drugs = terrible things.
c. It’s perfectly okay to be gay as long as you never have gay sex.
d. If I didn’t go to church every Sunday, I would probably go to hell. Or at least, sit in purgatory for approximately four centuries.
e. Catholicism is the only true religion.
f. I was better than pretty much everyone because I adhered to all these beliefs.

Since then I have pretty much discarded every single one of them. This is not because I had any radical philosophical revelations but because I came to realize how much I liked having lots and lots of gay sex.

AH, I KID.

I have never had sex with a woman nor have I ever smoked pot or done any other drugs. I believe the former is because I have never been physically attracted to a female with the exception of a few silly crushes. I believe the latter is because I have control issues.

7. I learned how to swim by taking eight years of swimming lessons in the Long Island Sound. Every day for two weeks in the summer, my mother would pack us all up, drive us two minutes to the beach and watch us splash around in the water. As I got older, the requirements for each level got more and more intense, requiring endless laps back and forth between lifeguard stands. I stopped taking lessons right before qualifying to be a junior lifeguard. I believe I gave it up in favor of a summer job.

Swimming was my favorite thing in the entire world and whether it was in the Sound or the ocean or in a neighbor’s pool, I would stay in the water for hours, imagining I was a mermaid or a dolphin. My favorite childhood memories are of spending the day swimming. We would return home for a shower to get all the sand off and then sit down to a family dinner, hamburgers and hot dogs and homemade macaroni salad. My eyes would burn a bit from the salt water or the chlorine and my fingertips were wrinkly from the water but I never felt happier, more content, more at peace.

And there you go. I believe I am supposed to “tag” people but I am an old fart and anyone I might tag has already tagged me. So, there you have it. Did anyone learn anything new? Can you relate to any of my quirks? Give it a try, I’m interested to know.