My father was in the city yesterday picking up medications for his cancer treatment. He comes in about once a month and we meet for lunch at a Thai restaurant near my office. I use the word “lunch” loosely because I have to be at the restaurant at 11 am sharp because my dad doesn’t like the crowds that form at noon. So, essentially, I meet him for a delicious Thai breakfast and I do not care in the slightest because I was always that girl in high school, ravenous for lunch and my friends were all IT IS 3RD PERIOD, CALM DOWN and I was all I AM ABOUT TO SKIP THIS CLASS AND RUN TO THE CAFETERIAAAAAAAAAA.

So, my phone rang at work around 10:30.

“LAWRA. IT’S YOUR DAD.”

“Hi dad! I know! I have caller ID! What’s up?”

“I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I WILL BE AT LITTLE THAI ITALY AT 11 AM.”

Now, you may question the name of the Thai restaurant after hearing this. Rest assured, the name of it is NOT “Little Thai Italy”, it is “Little Thai Kitchen” but my father kept adding Italy to it when we first discovered it, complete with Brooklyn pronunciation–It-lee. He finds this VERY amusing and has changed the name of the restaurant permanently.

“I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I WILL BE AT LITTLE THAI IT-LEE AT 11 AM.”

“Okay! I will be there.”

“AND GUESS WHAT?”

“??”

“YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I FOUND.”

“What you found? Wha? What did you find?”

“HOLD ON. LISTEN TO THIS.”

*silence on the other end of the phone*

“YOU HEAR DAT???”

“No, I couldn’t hear anyth–”

“IT IS THE SOUND OF A WATERFALL!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE DAT?”

“A waterfall?”

“YES. I FOUND A WATERFALL IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK CITY. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS.”

“Okay, well, I’d love to see it!”

“YES. WE ARE GOING TO EAT AT LITTLE THAI IT-LEE AND THEN I WILL SHOW YOU DA WATERFALL!”

He did not disappoint. Apparently, my father had stumbled across a tiny public park in the middle of 52nd street which had tables, chairs, lots of pretty trees and of course, a waterfall. I’ve stumbled on quite a few of these hidden city parks, most notably one closer to the west side that has a waterfall cascading over a tunnel which you can walk through. I am blanking on the exact location but it brings me lots of happiness. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

My father stood for awhile, just marveling at the waterfall and the trees and the tables and chairs.

“I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME HERE ON YA LUNCH BREAK TO READ A BOOK. I MEAN, IF IT’S NOT TOO COLD.”

“Great idea!”

There’s a little cafe with a window attached to the park, the menu offering sandwiches and coffees. My father waved to the Korean woman working behind the counter, her cheek resting on her hand. When I looked at him quizzically he said, “OH SHE KNOWS ME FROM BEFORE.”

What? Are you guys friends or something?!

Not surprising. At all. My father waves to people while driving, waves to people while he walks to church, etc. One time, at another lunch date inside the Thai restaurant, he WAVED people into the restaurant.

“What are you DOING? Do you know them?!”

“NO! I JUST THAWT THEY SHOULD KNOW TO COME INSIDE. IT’S COLD OUT THERE.”

…

After our stroll to the waterfall, we walked to Starbucks, a monthly tradition. I told dad about some of their new lattes and he got VERY.EXCITED. He was also VERY.EXCITED about the fact that my boss had given me a 10% coupon. And right now, I need to take a minute to explain this coupon and why it resulted in nearly three Starbucks baristas leaping over the counter and strangling my father and me to death.

So, Starbucks apparently has a new thing called a GOLD CARD MEMBERSHIP! You pay money to join (I assume?) and reap some rewards, like 10% off purchases or blah blah, who knows. Well, my boss, an avid Starbucks addict, joined last week and handed me a coupon that came with her membership.

It reads “As the GUEST OF A GOLD CARD MEMBER, you are entitled to 10% off any purchase in the store! Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a coffee maker…” on and on about getting a “taste of what membership is like”. And at the bottom it has directions for the employees. “Barista - use discount code 124 and take coupon.”

So, dad and I order some coffee and my dad politely offers the coupon. The young barista flat out says, “I CAN’T TAKE THAT.”

What?

“You need a gold card to use that.”

What?

“You need a GOLD CARD. I need to swipe your GOLD CARD. This is for GOLD CARD MEMBERS ONLY.”

??

I try to explain, “But see here? It says I’m a guest of a gold card member, not a gold card member myself.”

He calls over his co-worker, a VERY VERY ANGRY GIRL.

“YOU NEED A GOLD CARD.”

Sigh.

My dad attempts to explain what the coupon says and she isn’t having ANY OF IT.

At this point I want to give up because it is 10% off, not like a free house or anything and oh God it’s embarrassing and THIS IS WHY I NEVER USE COUPONS because it is MORTIFYING. But at the same time, I am so damn certain that I am right about this that I can’t help but press a little further.

“I NEED TO SWIPE THE GOLD CARD TO GIVE YOU THE DISCOUNT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE YOU THE DISCOUNT IF I CAN’T SWIPE AN ACTUAL GOLD CARD?”

“Um. Actually, the instructions are at the bottom here,” I say, pointing to the “BARISTA INSTRUCTIONS” section.

Both of the baristas squint at the fine print.

“NO.”

“Okay…just…forget it then…”

At this point the ANGRY BARISTA takes out the Gold Card Membership packets and starts flipping through them to SHOW ME.

“SEE HERE!?!? SEE! THIS COUPON COMES WITH A GOLD CARD MEMBERSHIP! SOMEONE MUST HAVE DETACHED IT AND GIVEN IT TO YOU.”

“Isn’t that the POINT?!?!?!” I say, throwing up my hands in exasperation.

“NO.”

She calls over one other manager to confirm, a silent elderly lady who doesn’t even listen to her, just nods her head in agreement.

Dad and I both opt to just let the damn thing go because WHO ON EARTH CARES AT THIS POINT!??!!? We were also quite certain that they spit in both of our drinks and let’s just settle for that instead of something worse like having them throw coffee in our faces, scalding us to death. Death by Starbucks barista, not a good way to go.

They call our drinks and we apologize profusely to the workers and thank them ever so much for our lattes. And right before we turn away from the counter, my father takes a sip.

“How is it?” I ask.

He pauses, his eyes twinkling.

“OHHHH IT’S GOOD,” he says, laughing to himself. “BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?”

“What?”

And then, loud enough for the whole Starbucks to hear, “IT WOULDA TASTED A WHOLE LOT BETTA IF IT WAS 40 CENTS CHEAPA!!!!”

This cracks him up to NO END and he heads out the door.

Normally, my cheeks would have gotten a little red because ohhh people making a scene, ugh. But, since it’s my dad? I can’t stop laughing. I mean how can you be embarrassed when even after a Starbucks fight, he isn’t even angry? He finds the whole thing INCREDIBLY amusing?

I mean, I’m sure the Starbucks baristas didn’t but they were kind of a little bit stupid, no? Or misinformed? Unless they were correct and Starbucks just has poor marketing skills? But we didn’t YELL at them or blame them, we stayed completely calm and rational. I just enjoyed the fact that my father had turned one of those irritatingly stressful “WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID ALL THE TIME?!” into something funny.

Not to mention his genuine WONDER and DELIGHT at finding a freaking WATERFALL as if he had never seen one before, as if it was as big as Niagara Falls.

“RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK CITY. CAN YOU BELIEVE DAT?!”

No, dad. I honestly can’t.