This morning as I was getting out of the shower, my phone rang. I let it go to voicemail as I did not recognize the number. It turned out to be a vocal coach I knew and his message essentially said that he was desperate to find a voice for a voiceover. It was for a children’s toy and the role would be the voice of a carrot. Is that something I think I can do?

HELLS YES, I thought to myself.

Pacing around my apartment in a bathrobe with a towel turbaned to the top of my head, I practiced all the various carrot voices I had in my repertoire. I finally settled on one (high-pitched, fast-paced) and was CONVINCED that this was sooo not going to be a problem. Carrot voice? I AM YOUR GIRL.

I called him back.

“So, do you think you can do it?”

“ABSOLUTELY!”

“Great! I will send you the copy and you can do the voice of the parrot into the phone so I can hear it.”

“Voice of the…parrot?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Oh what?”

“I thought you said carrot.”

“…”

“Okay, seriously? Stop laughing. I swear, I…no. Okay. Stop laughing for real. I HEARD WRONG. I will try the parrot, but no promises.”

And that is how I found myself at 8 AM squawking into the telephone, practicing an array of parrot voices.

I just wasn’t feeling it. Not like I was feeling the carrot. DAMN.

“Dude, get someone else. The carrot? The carrot I have DOWN. The parrot? Eh, she’s a little shrill.”

“Thanks anyway.”

“No problem.”

Welcome to my life. I am officially back in NYC.
You can find all the photos from Los Angeles here.

And if you’re bored, you can watch the other videos that didn’t make it into previous posts. Well, except one. One is staying on my computer for all time because it’s borderline offensive. Let’s just say it involves Tom showing the camera the hole in the fence that you can climb through to get to Mexico and how grateful he is to his “Mexican breathren” for “breaking through the chains of capitalism.”

??

I’m going to leave that one for parties.

But the rest are mostly PC, so you can watch those. I apologize in advance for my shirt riding up and my belly hanging out. My mother is mortified, I know, I’m sorry. The inner Long Island slut in me can’t help but shine through sometimes. SQUAWK.

Tom Stops Hiking To Do Yoga from The Spectrum on Vimeo.

Tom Chases A Helpless Bird from The Spectrum on Vimeo.

Never Leaving. SRSLY. from The Spectrum on Vimeo.