Conversations with Four Year Olds I’ve Had In the Past Week
Owen: I need Akon on my iPod.
Me: You do?
Owen: Yes.
Me: Okay, what song?
Owen: Akon.
Me: Akon is a singer. He sings lots of songs. Which one do you like?
Owen: AKON.
Me: Akon is the SINGER’S NAME. NOT THE SONG NAME.
Owen: NO! THE SONG IS AKON.
Me: THE SONG IS NOT AKON, OWEN! LOOK AT YOUTUBE! THOSE ARE ALL AKON VIDEOS!
Owen: I WANT AKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
Me: *shoots self in the face*
Owen: I want THAT one.
Me: “Right Now Na Na Na”?
Owen: YES! AKON NA NA NA!!!!!
Me: Okay. We’ll download it and then I’ll put it on your iPod.
*five minutes later, Akon successfully loaded on the iPod*
Owen: (singing along to his new song) I WANNA MAKE LOVE NA NA NA NA!!!
Me: Oh…my…God.
Me: Very good! Where is your arm?
River: HEEERE!
Me: GREAT JOB! What about your foot?
River: HEEEERE!
Me: Awesome, Riv! What about your chest?
River: HEEEEERE!
*Riv stops, looks confused*
River: (pulling at his shirt) What are THESE?
Me: Your chest?
River: NO! THESE?
Me: Uh, you mean, my boobs?
River: RIGHT! MY BOOBS.
Me: No no! You don’t have boobs! Just girls!
Owen: MY MOM HAS BOOBS.
Me: Yes, she does.
River: (lifting up his shirt) NO! THEEEEEEESE!
Me: Ohhhh, your nipples?
River: RIGHT! MY NIPPLES.
Me: Yes, those are nipples. Boys and girls all have nipples.
Owen: (pointing to his stomach) I HAVE A NIPPLE HERE!
Me: Oh! Um, that’s a freckle. That’s different.
Owen: A nipple?
Me: A FRECKLE. See? I have them all over my arms.
River: YES! YOU DO!
Me: I know! And my face too!
River: YES! LAURA! YOU HAVE A NIPPLE RIGHT ON YOUR FOREHEAD!!!!!!!
Owen: Laura?
Me: Yes?
Owen: I’m hungry.
River: Me too.
Laura: SIGHHHHHHH. Okay, let’s go into the kitchen. What do you feel like eating?
Owen: Swiss cheese.
River: Sunflower seeds.
Owen: Also, an oreo.
Me: Not a problem.
*five minutes later*
Owen: I’m done.
River: ME TOO.
Laura: Okay! Back to bed! Both of you! Goodnight!
River runs back into the bedroom. Owen just stands and stares at me.
Owen: I can’t.
Me: You can’t what?
Owen: Go to bed.
Me: Why not?
Owen: I need to do a Google search.
Me: I…what?
Owen: A GOOGLE SEARCH. I NEED TO DO A GOOGLE SEARCH.
Me: NO WAY, OWEN. Computer time is over. Goodnight.
Owen: Tomorrow I can do a Google search?
Me: Absolutely, tomorrow you can Google whatever you want. Try “Laura Loses Her Mind”.
HAHAHA
That made my day.
I’m so glad! The twins totally kill me.