I rarely make a habit of “going out” to meet boys. And by rarely, I mean I have never “gone out” to meet a boy. There are many reasons for this but the biggest one is that I’m an old lady and have no desire to go out to a club, sip a cosmopolitan and dance to Rhianna while some frat boy tries to feel me up.
Inevitably, when I do go out, whether it’s to a bar or a party or when I am standing on a street corner like a hooker, men sometimes ask me for my phone number. This always makes me uncomfortable because
1. I don’t want to give them my phone number
2. I don’t want to appear rude
3. I don’t want to give them my phone number
So I say, “Why don’t you give me YOUR number?” And then they do. Problem solved. I only run into complications when they say, “Okay. Now, text me so I can have yours!” And then I blink a few times and pretend I don’t know what “text” means.
I always input their numbers into my phone with an alias so I can remember who they are and make a mental note to delete it later. Thing is, I never ever delete them because who on earth clears out their phone numbers?! The labeling system I use is a bit haphazard as you will soon see, but at the time, the nickname I give them makes perfect sense. Going further, it makes a TON OF SENSE after a few Tom Collins’. I never call these men, have never called these men, have no plans to ever call them, etc. but I dutifully enter their numbers in my mobile device because I FEEL BAD SAYING NO. (Hi! Yes, I’m already in therapy, thanks for asking!)
Today, I decided to go sift through the numbers in my phone and found quite a few entries that I’ve accumulated over the years. Some of these names I recall easily. I remember the noisy bar or the swanky party or the brightly lit street corner where I met the eager beavers. Others? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m still baffled over quite a few. REGARDLESS, I’m feeling like sharing the love so, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I give you:
Boyz In Ma Phone v. 1.0.
by Laura Elizabeth
If any of you single ladies need a phone number, I’d be glad to pass them around. Cheers!