Universe, Why So Cruel?
Posted on February 18th, 2008 in Daily Musings, Problems with my Womanly Parts
I have off from work today. I had planned on taking full advantage of such a day–an audition or two, a voice lesson, grocery shopping, laundry, the gym, possibly the farmer’s market since it’s in the upper 50′s today. A DAY OFF!! An opportunity to get a ton of things done without missing work to do so. A day to myself! Do you know that before last Tuesday, February 12th, my last day off without plans with friends or seeing a show or taking a class or working, my last day off was January 6th?
Can you say FULL SCHEDULE? (Overachiever, what what!!)
So today!! A free Monday!! So much to do! All by myself!
Naturally, you know what happened right?
Lindsay and James invited me over for dinner last night. I showed up at 4:30 or so and by 5:30, I started to feel a little…off. My head had been pounding the day before and it came back with a vengeance which is very odd because I never ever get headaches. I ate a few bites of pasta and had a slice of bread and then the thought of food started making my stomach turn. James felt my forehead and confirmed what I already knew, that I was burning up and about to die.
I drove home in the rain and ended up curled on the bathroom floor until my roommate came home.
“Gatorade,” I croaked. “I’m dying a slow painful death.” My intestines were wound into knots and causing sharp shooting pains all throughout my body.
“I’M ON IT!” shouted the roommate and disappeared to the store. And if I wasn’t ready to drown myself in the bathtub, I would have kissed him.
The persistent nausea continued without any relief, if you know what I mean. I can handle vomiting. I can’t handle FEELING like I’m going to vomit. For hours.
Eventually around 11:00, my stomach surrendered to the pale blue porcelain god that lives in my bathroom.
And continued to surrender once an hour, throughout the course of the night. 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, 3:30 and by 4:30, I was spent.
And so, here I am on the couch. Missed auditions. Missed everything. My head is still throbbing and my lower back is severely cramping up, which Alayna also suffered from when she contracted this mysterious 12 Hours Of Hell last week. I put a heating pad on it but I’m still pretty sure my kidneys have exploded and are floating around inside me. Imminent death is very likely.
I believed the stomach issues were done with since I have kept down half the bottle of gatorade and some water. However, I turned on the television and Rachael Ray was on ABC. Since we don’t have cable and since I didn’t want to watch the news, I left her on because, I don’t know, I wanted to add to my misery.
She was making Swedish meatballs out of beef and veal, sautéed in a gravy made of butter, beef stock and chicken stock with a scoop of grape jelly and sour cream. To soften up the meatballs, she mixed the meat with bread that was soaked in milk. She fried them in the “gravy” and poured it over egg noodles.
And after viewing this and listening to her grating voice for well over twenty minutes, my vegan stomach ruptured along with my kidneys and I have about three seconds left to live.
Dying alone on your day off sucks.
ew ew ew I had that virus on SUPERBOWL SUNDAY. Go Giants? Who won? I was looking at the toilet flush swirl, trying to remember what the story is with the hemispheres and the directions and what the heck?
oh my ggggggod. feeling like you have to vomit (but not being able to do so) is THE WORST EVER. i hope you feel better super soon.
you poor thing. Feel better.
ps: I saw that ep of rachel ray while I was on the treadmill at the gym. nothing like watching someone make swedish meatballs while you’re trying to work off pounds upon pounds of Starbucks patries.
Oh Ash, you are too funny. Poor dear!
Thanks guys! I am recovering but not as fast as I’d like to be. Naturally, I was right back at work yesterday. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME!???
Sorry you were sick on your day off, but you made me laugh, yet again, thanks!
By the way the paragraph on Rachel Ray was too gross, as I watch tv with rabbit ears I really don’t know her, but gross!
YEAH! Rachael Ray was NASTY!!! So gross!!