Everybody Knows: It Hurts To Grow Up
Posted on October 24th, 2007 in Indie Films, Nanny Diaries
Tomorrow, I am going back to a corporate job. This has been in the works for awhile for numerous reasons but up until now, I was never really sure it would ever happen. On Monday, I had an interview which was painless and a job offer which was painful. I’m not sure why I even got the job, considering I actually used the phrases “like” and “you guys” in the interview as in “So, do you guys, like, have a fairly large team?” I couldn’t believe it escaped my mouth but in hindsight, what was the better alternative?
When I left the building, I had been offered a job with a better salary than my last corporate venture a year ago at an office four blocks away from a major audition location and a boss who told me she was totally cool with letting me audition as I needed to. And I panicked. I nearly threw up. I called my brother. I called Alayna. I called everyone in my phone and asked them if I should take the job and if I should take this job WHY THE HECK AM I FREAKING OUT!?
The answer? Because I am mentally deranged.
Also? Because this had stopped being an “If I go back to work…” and had immediately become a “When I go back to work on Thursday…”.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been buying myself new clothes. I needed office-appropriate attire since it’s been a year since I’ve been at a desk and the last time I was there, it was the Summer of 115 Degrees. But although I may have needed some corporate staples, I found myself sneaking other purchases that I thought I would like–black cable tights, unnecessary gray heels, a cream colored dress, etc. as a way to soothe myself. “It’s okay, you will get through this, I will fill your closet with goodies so you can get up in the morning and get out the door.”
But I realized that it doesn’t matter how I spoil myself, I still have to go. There I was, in a pinstripe skirt, walking through cubicle farms and past a kitchen with a coffepot and an overstocked refrigerator and I began to hyperventilate. I thought about how unnatural this was for me and how it kind of makes me a failure because I wouldn’t have to go back to a job like this if I could just book a show for once, that’d be nice, eh? MAYBE IF YOU HAD ANY TALENT.
And then I felt guilty for even having those thoughts. And I feel like a baby even typing this out like, don’t I know that EVERY SINGLE DAY for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS, people get out of bed and haul themselves off to a job they kind of don’t like? Or perhaps just tolerate? Or maybe really really hate? Why do I think New Yorkers are so crazed and insane and some are so jittery? Because this is what they do all the time. Forever.
It’s just that when you’ve spent almost eleven months with these guys, it’s hard to get back to the grind. And oh, yeah, the thought that I won’t pick them up from preschool tomorrow is enough to make me want to curl up in bed and cry a million tears. I love those crazy crazy twins.
Stayin’ Alive from The Spectrum on Vimeo.
Stayin’ Alive from The Spectrum on Vimeo.
River Speaks from The Spectrum on Vimeo.
Dear Laura,
“Theatre people” I have known who successfully transitioned back into the workaday world did it well by remembering AND ACTING out the truth that “all the world’s a stage.” There is survival in Will’s wisdom, and infinite opportunity for improvisation. It’s another challenge! (And don’t forget that God has promised never to leave you or forsake you.) OK, gotta include this, my favorite Dr. Johnson quote:”There are few ways in which a (wo)man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.” YOU GO, GIRL!! prayers, Hal
Haha! Hal you are so sweet! Thanks for the encouragement! Wouldn’t you know, I surprisingly am having a really good time so far there! My boss is amazing and I work with some great girls so, who knew!?
Yay, glad the job’s turning out well. Those boys are ADORABLE! That last one made me laugh out loud. This kid knows his Top 40!