My headshot photographer emailed me a link to a fundraiser for her daughter’s school. Do y’all remember this!? We used to have Innisbrook fundraising when I was a child. My mother would push me out the door to the neighbors with the catalog in hand, forcing me to ask them if they wanted to buy wrapping paper or assorted Christmas mugs. (Usually, they opted for the wrapping paper.)

I didn’t necessarily like going door to door to ask people to buy gift wrap but it was always a fascinating venture. Kind of like trick or treating where you get that quick glimpse into someone else’s house, what the furniture looks like, what they cook for dinner. I always loved seeing the insides of other people’s houses, particularly those houses that were warm and fuzzy and smelled like peach candles. Fundraising, kind of like girl scout cookie selling was better than trick or treating because I got to go INSIDE and really scope things out.

For the most part, it involved a lot of sitting awkwardly on other people’s couches in houses that were a lot more quiet and a lot neater than my own. I would sit there and politely answer questions about school or how my mom was doing while housewives checked off boxes with a blue Papermate pen. My favorite house was Mrs. Hirsch’s house because it was so clean and smelled so good and also, she always gave me some of those Pepperidge Farm chessmen cookies. You know what I’m talking about, right? They taste like butter mixed with extra butter and deep fried in butter.

I also really liked the pamphlet I got to walk around with because it had pieces of the wrapping paper on it, showing all the samples of what you could buy. For real! Squares of wrapping paper! And for some reason, as a child, this was the best thing in the whole world. My favorite wrapping papers were those that were REVERSIBLE. Two DIFFERENT patterns on one roll of wrapping paper! Candy canes on one side, snowmen on the other!! I always hoped my mother would buy the reversible kind so I could wrap my Christmas presents in it. She rarely did because it was more expensive.

I felt really old getting that e-mail. Especially because now? Now you just send out an e-mail with your child’s specific code and people can order stuff on the INTERNET! Clicking a mouse! Picking out wrapping paper! And tins of semi-decent chocolate! Without knocking on doors! Or checking off boxes! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

What is the point of that!? What, like it’s SAFER because you’re not knocking on stranger’s doors because you could possibly get abducted or molested or what have you!? What, like it’s CONVENIENT because you don’t have to go walking around the neighborhood while the sun sets and you’re all alone? What kind of people are we raising our children to be if we can’t let them run around town selling wrapping paper!?!? I ASK YOU!

By the way, I am totally buying some wrapping paper from her. Maybe more than one roll, you know, for posterity and stuff. I hope they still have the reversible kind.