I feel that it is now time for a little glimpse into my life through an avenue that is not my conversation with my therapist nor my thoughts on Harry Potter but rather a glimpse into my life through time spent with the twins that I nanny for. Just to change up the subject matter here a bit. And also, because it’s 1:30 in the morning and if I don’t write out what happened tonight and how hard I laughed, I’m going to forget it.

The twins and their parents have been through some tough stuff, to put it mildly. Born three months early at 29 weeks, Owen and River have had some serious developmental delays due to their preemie status. It’s not my business to be discussing the particulars here but one of the delays happened to be speech. They qualified through the Early Intervention program for speech therapy (among other things) and every little word that successfully came out of their mouths was an opportunity for much rejoicing and much relief.

I say this only because, looking back, instilling them with manners and the rule of the “magic words” was not a priority. Basically, we wanted them to talk. It didn’t matter how it came out of their mouth. The speech therapist hovered around constructed play, throwing out phrases for them to copy. “I WANT THAT!” “GIVE IT BACK!” “STOP THAT NOW!” The phrases seem blunt and rude but when I think of how much I wanted them to just open their mouths and SAY IT, say ANYTHING, it didn’t really matter.

Until now. Now, they are almost three. And conversing with a vengeance. And OH the tone of their voices when they are angry. Owen has taken to avoiding words altogether and just screeching at the top of his lungs, sounding kind of like a goat being put to slaughter.

Me: “No, Owen, you can’t paint my leg with blue watercolors.”
Owen: “AEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

The little boys who obediently copied the therapist by nicely uttering “I…want…puzzle!” have been replaced by little boys who scream “COME BACK HERE, RIVER! YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT!” “I WANT CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!” and my most recent favorite, “I WANT GWEN STEFANI ON THE IPOD!”

I am trying to remedy the damage by witholding wanted items until “please” is uttered. They are okay with the “thank you” but the “please” seems to be a problem. River has caught on to this somewhat quicker than Owen, who is hardly shy about his demands and the resulting goat bleating can be heard for miles.

It’s frustrating and irritating and then at times, it causes me to erupt in uncontrollable laughter because the DRAMA! THE DRAMA OF NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT! Who knew it could be so life or death? (My mother is loving this entry, you can bet on it, because who me? Dramatic?) Owen threw a tantrum on the swingset the other day because a little girl was occupying the swing all the way on the right, which, duh, is Owen’s favorite swing.

Me: Owen, there are four other swings to go on, why don’t you pick one of those?
Owen: NO. AEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Me: That…hurts my ears.
Owen: I SAID NO.
Me: Right. Well.
Owen: SWING ON THE RIGHT! I WANT SWING ON THE RIGHT!
Me: That little girl is using the swing on the right. You can pick another or you can wait.
Owen: NO.
Me: Okay.
Owen: (dissolves into tears) SWING ON THE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!

So, you know. My job as Super Nanny involves getting through the day with as few of these breakdowns as possible and they really are few, just very violent when they occur. They go to preschool next month and all I want them to do is ask for things nicely and not scream so loud when I say no. It’s already a problem in music class when all the other children say please for the tambourine and Owen screams, “I WANT THE BLUE TAMBOURINE! BLUE BLUE BLUE! AEIIIIIIIIIII!!!”

Tonight, we were playing different songs on my iPod and dancing around the living room. The twins’ current favorite songs are Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape”, Patty Griffin’s “Chief” and Beyoncé’s “Irreplaceable” which they simply and appropriately call “To The Left, To The Left.”

Owen has been getting quite worked up because he has had to take turns with his brother about which song to play and this, as you can see, is VERY UPSETTING and DON’T MAKE ME LISTEN TO SOME DAMN SINGER/SONGWRITER, I WANT BEYONCE AND I WANT HER NOW. So this goes back and forth for awhile and Owen is finally calm.

Me: Owen! What is the problem!?
Owen: I want “To The Left, To The Left”.
Me: Alright…
Owen: TO THE LEFT TO THE LEFT!
Me: Owen, what is the magic word?

*There is a quiet pause as Owen carefully considers a response. After a few seconds, he solemnly offers the following phrase*

Owen: Hocus Pocus?