I had the best audition of my entire life yesterday and it was for someone important. And though, I’m 99% positive I’m not right for the show, I left a wonderful first impression and I am so happy about that. It has a lot to do with the class I just finished and learning that I have the power in the audition room and that my job is to go in and sing something that I love. And I did. And what I’m saying is, you should make out with me because I’m awesome.

Moving on.

I’ve changed up my workout routine lately. For the first time ever, I have consistently incorporated weight training into my exercise regimen. In college, I would sometimes stare blankly at the machines and wonder how to use them. When Tom finally showed me, I’d set it to 5 or 8 pounds, work it a couple times and then get bored and distracted by some super cute poli sci major. I figured that THINKING about picking up a weight counted as weight training. Power of the mind and all that.

I’ve always been good about cardio or yoga and pilates but weight training? I am a girl! See how cute and twee I am! I can barely lift my dainty fingers to bake you a cake! Tra la! Well. I started to get pissed off about my girly girl status and so I decided to take some serious action. (You know, because I want to be hardcore and all that.)

I finally ripped out the section of Shape magazine entitled “BIKINI BODY COUNTDOWN” and took it with me to the gym. It’s a series of exercises meant to tone my body and make me beautiful and ready to wear a bikini. HAAAAAAA. As Alayna says, I am now THAT GIRL. I am the girl that has her magazine article layed out neatly on the floor beside her. Like a total tool. And that’s not all, I’m also the girl that hordes ALL the gym equipment. Towel, yoga ball, medicine ball, and a set of 7.5 pound weights. (7.5 pounds! HOW COOL IS THAT? Not quite 8, not a girly girl 5! WOO!)

Point is, I’m using a lot of crap and sometimes I feel bad about that but if I’m paying $75 a month to use the gym, then I get to use all the gym crap, right? And there’s more than one of each item, but not THAT many and oh…I don’t know. I just hate when other people are using things that I want. Granted, I try to go to the gym during off-peak hours when no one is around. This is, of course, to feel less guilty about using all the equipment but mostly it’s because I hate people. And I hate gym people most of all. So there you go.

Anyway, today, I had all my beautiful things lined up: bright blue yoga ball, towel, 7.5 pound weights, 10 pound weights, 1 kg medicine ball and a 6 kg medicine ball. I love these pieces of equipment. I love that my body has to work to lift them and maneuver them. I love that they are making me strong and changing the shape of my body for the better. I love that for the first time ever, I am starting to feel physically powerful. And so, I was in my own little “Look At My Biceps!” world when a woman came over to me and innocently asked,

“Are you done with your balls?”

And that, my friends, is when I lost my mind. OH GOD! So many wonderfully inappropriate things could be said to that woman! I wanted to remark that I am NEVER done with my BALLS! Never ever! Who is, really!? HA HA! Immature testicle reference! So amazing! Just made my morning COMPLETE!

I had to stare down on the mat to prevent myself from laughing in her face and after I took a second to collect myself, I quietly responded that yes, I was quite done with my balls and that I didn’t mean to horde my balls because it’s rude to keep balls to yourself and really, I would like nothing more in the entire world than to share my balls with her.

And then she took them with her and held them while she did some squats and I must say, I was sorry to see them go.