Overheard in audition room today:

Girl #1: Dude. There were SO many Asians at that audition yesterday.

Girl #2: Wasn’t it for “The King and I?”

Girl #1: Yeah.

Girl #2: So…

Girl #1: I don’t know, it was a LOT of them all in one place.

Whaaaaaaat. UM. What does that even MEAN? I feel like I should be offended by that. Should I?

And then later on, another girl interrupted my conversation with someone and asked me a question using the word “espousing”. I gave her mad props because that’s a great vocabulary word! Don’t ever say actresses are dumb!

Well. Do.

Because I didn’t know what that meant.

The audition itself was great especially because during the first half of my song, the casting director was under the table picking up pieces of his breakfast that he dropped on the floor. I almost wanted to stop mid-song, point to a few crumbs and say, “Um, I think you missed a few pieces.”

Apparently, I am so damn talented that people can’t even sit still while listening to me. They are so overcome by my inner beauty and unique interpretation of a musical theatre standard that they have to get on the floor and roll around and pretend not to pay attention. It’s so crazy, right? The power I have over people? I’d like to thank God and the Academy for all my wonderful gifts and for casting directors who drop their Egg McMuffins on the floor while I’m singing. That’s all.