Um. This one time? I bitched and moaned for an entire YEAR about my dental cavities and how I couldn’t get them filled and how it was all President Bush’s fault and how they were going to rot out my teeth and then the teeth would fall out and no one would marry me and I would die alone, at the hand of the Republicans, who would sneer and show me how Iraq is now a democracy.

And then today? My father found out that through his union, I am covered for dental care until I turn 25 years old.

Uh. There is a girl we like to call THE CRAZY.

She would be me.

She is going to the dentist, like, yesterday.

By the way, if Jamba Juice is “all natural” and in tune with nature, why oh why is the smallest size smoothie 310 calories? Why is the largest over 550? IF IT IS A *NATURAL* FRUIT SMOOTHIE, THAT IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE.

Even better, their new “Enlightened Smoothies” are great at a whopping 150 calories for the 16 oz. until I realized they use SPLENDA. Um. If you are all natural and just using fruit and ice and other natural organic crap, why.do.you.need.Splenda? Because, for the record? Splenda, I don’t care what you say about it, is not NATURAL. (Here is a great anti-Splenda propaganda site! Wee! Let’s all rail against artificialness and the US government!) I don’t care if Splenda is all “made from sugar” or some other stupid ridiculous excuse. If Splenda was “all natural”, I should be able to go down south and pick it out of a field.

That’s all I’m saying.

I’m going to go get me some cavities filled. Stat. Peace.