I went to an audition yesterday, my sixth in the past two weeks and was once again sent home without opening my mouth to sing. SIX AUDITIONS. HAVE NOT SUNG A NOTE. Fun.

But two of the calls I’ve attended, including yesterdays, were non-union. The problem, both times, was that there were just too many freaking non-union females and the casting director decided to type. I will state right now that I love typing. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.

I’ve been lucky with typing a few times before. But these past two weeks? Not so much. Yesterday, they kept short brunettes. Last week, they typed me IN to stay and then WOOPS typed too many people and typed us OVER AGAIN and I was sent home. It sucked but like I said, I do like this system because, if you don’t want to hear me sing, just tell me to go home so I can go back to sleep or start my short story collection or make cupcakes. I’d rather that than wait around til 4 pm and THEN be told they don’t want to see me.

What irritates me is not the typing system. What irritates me is the fact that lately, auditions have been packed with people I have NEVER seen before in my life. And also, crazy crazy people, in case you didn’t know. But I try to be nice. GRACIOUS even.

I’m gracious to the girl who steals the pen out of my hand while I’m doing a crossword, without even asking to borrow it.

I’m gracious to the girl who stood up in the middle of a crowded holding room while undressing and took off her bra in front of everyone.

Yes, I try to be kind. But…when girls start getting up at 5 am to be the first on the list they started at 5:30 am for a production of HELLO DOLLY! I think I have a right to be peeved. It’s 5 am my little friends. Stay in bed. It is warm and cozy. That’s just my opinion.

But no one did ask me. Did they?

So I guess I should keep my mouth shut.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

An actor friend once asked me why I care so much about the girls in the holding room, why I ceaselessly mock them and get amazingly funny stories from watching them. The question was: why can’t I just concentrate on me? On my song, on my relaxation, on my craft, etc.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

This is all Comedy Gold my friends. It’s material. Pure comedic material. Fodder, if you will.

I think it’s also good in case I ever want to go on dates. (Dating…what IS that…?) I can tell these audition stories when they ask me about my career and then they will think I am cute and funny and worth marrying.

It’s a done deal my friends.

And seriously, why would you EVER steal someone’s pen without asking!????????

~Peace.