Andrew from UB IMed me the other day regarding my marathon entry and asked me how I manage to find all the crazy people. Andrew? I think the more appropriate question is, how do the crazies find ME? And no, I don’t make this stuff up. I couldn’t. Let’s face it, I’m not that smart. So, I was about 1/2 way through another entry about my trip to a free medical clinic on the lower lower east side and about all the crazy people I met there but it just started veering towards that Too Personal Line. I also sounded racist. And it wasn’t even that funny. Except the part where I approached the podiatry desk instead of the gynecology desk and really, you would’ve been easily confused too.

Suffice it to say, it was a free check up of sorts but it didn’t end particularly well and I’m really not ready to share. Also, my mother would tell me that the polite thing to do is really spare the internet stories that are titled “My Gynocologist, My Friend” and also, don’t type out the last names of people you know who do drugs. It’s really her universal rule. And I’m adhering to it because she is a God-fearing woman who pays my car insurance.

Instead, I would like to take a moment to ask New York City what the hell they think they’re doing wearing knee-high boots OVER their jeans. HONESTLY? It makes your thighs and butt look enormous and your jeans get all scrunched up and it’s just stupid. If you want me to see your pretty boots (because sometimes they really are pretty!) you can wear a skirt. NO, this does not mean you can wear a pair of these. Gaucho pants are probably the worst fashion trend to hit NYC since stirrup pants perhaps. But let’s face it, I was barely alive when THAT happened.

I just don’t think these flatter your figure at all. And the logic that you can wear shorter pants and higher boots? is stupid. Plain stupid. Lindsay tried to buy a pair this summer and I made fun of her to high holy heaven. I thought it was a passing summer fad, wearing big floppy pants over your bikini bottoms or something. I DID NOT THINK THIS WOULD CARRY OVER INTO FALL AND PEOPLE WOULD WEAR HOOKER BOOTS UNDERNEATH THEM. This is awful, people, awful. You all look stupid.

I went away this weekend with the twins to their country house in New Paltz. I didn’t get very much sleep but I was able to relax as best I could at a five acre home in the mountains. I also was able to leave for a little bit on Sunday and take my sister out to brunch (because she attends SUNY New Paltz! Woo!). I went for a long walk on Saturday afternoon, up and down these gorgeous roads with a full view of the Catskills. It was peaceful and lovely and I galloped like a gazelle through the countryside. Okay, no. But it’d be so cool if I did that, no?

I also got to sleep in a guest room and it was very exciting. The twins are hilarious and require so so much work. They are officially walking now and the house proved to be a big thrill for them, particularly things they weren’t supposed to do like climb stairs, eat dead ladybugs off the floor and play with pointy objects. I was 85% successful at preventing these things. But despite my careful eye and the fact that there are TWO of them, falling off steps and eating bugs off the floor tended to happen anyway. Oh well. Protein is good for you and falling down just builds endurance. Or something. SUCK IT UP, KIDS.

I also did the speed limit all the way home and NO speeding tickets were issued. Well. Not to me. The cops WERE pulling over quite a number of SUV’s. But you just deserve it for owning an SUV. Because those are obnoxious. And if you drive something that big AND speed? I am not your friend.

Also. Can I just say, what the hell is the hype around Desperate Housewives? I didn’t watch the entire first season, which Adam says is my problem. But I do remember all the craziness and Troy going nuts and everyone flipping out. I didn’t have cable at the time, so I couldn’t view it. Well. I watch it now and can I say that it’s probably one of the worst shows on television right now? Why do I not understand this show or enjoy it at all? Teri Hatcher needs to eat a cheeseburger. Scene.

Grey’s Anatomy? Now here we have probably one of the BEST shows on television. And I’m not a TV watcher but I’m downright obsessed. Okay? Fine. I am. Sandra Oh is a goddess and it’s just a good time all around. Desperate Housewives? Spare me. And then Adam is like well it’s a SATIRE, like a night time soap opera. If it’s a satire, then why isn’t it funny? Let it go, people. It kind of sucks.

The Spectrum has reached a new low when I have nothing to talk about except SUV’s and Sunday night ABC TV. Really, I’m so sorry. I will try to do something interesting with my life, like take Japanese lessons, and tell you all about it. OH! I did find the cactus picture and when I find out how to post it, I will and we can all hold hands and have a good chuckle. Ta Da!

Peace.