I’ve been in the mood to buy something for awhile. You can imagine the pain a shop-a-holic like me is in as I receive a steady paycheck each week but refuse to allow myself to spend it on anything but my credit card or gas. The rest gets tossed into my savings account as I attempt a new concept called “Saving Money”. I realize I will feel better about this in April when I pay first and last month’s rent plus a security deposit on a NYC apartment. However, right now, it feels like hell.

I have been working steadily for a month and have barely saved anything. We can thank my credit card and my $493 car repairs. That’s right folks. $493. It kills me too because I’ve been eyeing this Vera Bradley bag for quite awhile though I’m still up in the air as to what pattern I want it in.

I told my mother this and she suggested giving the money to the needy. I told her that at 21 almost 22, I cannot toss away money to the church but in a few years, when I am stable, I will do it regularly. She says you are not supposed to give when you can, you are supposed to give until it hurts AND if I had been reading my Scripture, I would know that God promises to take care of me IF I give 10%. (Apparently, God’s love is indeed conditional.) I told her I donated to the tsunami relief effort. (It was a measly contribution but it was the best I could do at the time.) She said the Vera bag is not giving til it hurts. The Vera bag makes me spoiled.

I pointed out that I donate clothes and shoes regularly and I have a large garbage bag of relatively new stuffed animals that I’m looking to drop off somewhere. She said nobody wants my dusty old paraphernalia. Does anyone know of anywhere I CAN donate my animals? They are NOT dusty, they are just on the foot of my bed and I would like to give them to children who would appreciate them. Mom says this is NOT giving til it hurts–it is getting rid of old junk.

The Catholic guilt got the better of me and about a 1/2 hour ago, I logged onto the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids website and donated $50. I called my mother to let her know and she said that this was NOT the kind of organization she was talking about. I said that I did not want to give my money to the Catholic Church and I think she was a little upset. She told me the Catholic Church gives to more charities than ANYONE ELSE. Is this true? I need proof.

I don’t mind giving money to the Catholic Church so they can pass it on to other places. I DO mind giving money to things like the “Bishop’s Annual Appeal” which is, for my lovely non-Catholic friends, a yearly beg from the Bishop for funds. Puh-lease. I do not support the Bishop and I do not support his begging. I figured AIDS was a worthy cause, specifically BC/EFA.

My mother ended the conversation by telling me that $20 would have sufficed and I didn’t have to give $50. “10%!!!!!” I screamed into the phone, “YOU TOLD ME 10%!!!!! $20 IS NOT 10% OF MY SALARY, IS IT MOM???” She replied that no, it wasn’t and that the $50 was probably the better choice and then hung up the phone.

AND YOU WONDER WHY I’M SO SCREWED UP ABOUT LIFE!?????????????????

Peace.